There is a Life After Disappointment

There is a Life After Disappointment

• For bible quotes haveSwedish Folk Bible and Bible 2000used, unless otherwise stated.
• There is a life after disappointment
• Copyright © 2010-2022 Stojan Gajicki
• Cover image: Zoran Živančević
• Illustrations: Lennart Nilsson
• Design: Annette Rådström
• Proofreading: Birgitta & Bengt Furustam
• ISBN: 978-91-633-5797-8E-mail: gajickis@gmail.com

CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1: – The most common experience of life
CHAPTER 2: – Sources of Disappointment
CHAPTER 3: – The total disappointment
CHAPTER 4: – Disappointment of others
CHAPTER 5: – Disappointment with God
CHAPTER 6: – Disappointment with oneself
CHAPTER 7: – Is God disappointed in me?
CHAPTER 8: – Signs of disappointment
CHAPTER 9: – Background of disappointment
CHAPTER 10: – The way out of disappointment
CHAPTER 11: – To be healed from disappointment
CHAPTER 12: – Living in the light
CHAPTER 13: – Life after disappointment
CHAPTER 14: – Joseph
CHAPTER 15: – A disappointed world and a faithful God

CHAPTER 1: THE MOST COMMON EXPERIENCE OF LIFE

Life consists of many wonderful but also many difficult experiences. Sooner or later, depending on different personalities and circumstances, many of us find that life does not reach the level we expected and dreamed of. This happens not only in the life, which we call failed, but also in the life that in our eyes can look very successful. We are exposed, and expose ourselves, to situations that can dramatically change our lives.One of the experiences that greatly affects our lives is disappointment. It is difficult, perhaps even impossible, to go through life without ever encountering disappointment. The consequences can be tragic, but the experience itself can also contribute to a process that helps us clear up misconceptions about life and misconceptions about life. Disappointment as an experience is not in itself decisive for the outcome, but rather our way of meeting and dealing with it and in what way we let it affect our lives.The idea of ​​this book is to highlight the negative impact that disappointment can have on our lives. By understanding the ways in which disappointment is expressed, we can recognize it and thus have the opportunity to prevent it from “getting stuck” in our lives. We can instead learn from the disappointment and move on in life in a new and better way.What I write about in this book began with some friends pointing out that our marital problems were probably caused by our disappointment with each other. That’s when I started looking for what the Bible has to say about disappointment. To my great surprise, I hardly found any verse that even mentions the word disappointment in the way we are used to using it. But I found a lot of events in the Bible that clearly tell the story. This gave a new perspective on one of life’s most common experiences. I have seldom or never met people who have never experienced disappointments. All of life can be a big disappointment for large crowds of people in our world. “I am disappointed” are the words, which reflect the reality that many live in. Regardless of culture or social status, this experience is common to all. The way in which people with different cultural backgrounds express this can vary, but the consequences are, in most cases, quite similar.Disappointment can lead to very destructive in our lives. Therefore, it is important to understand the nature of disappointment and what the consequences may be, so that we can prevent its progress, before it begins to affect our thoughts and feelings.

MEANING OF THE WORD

In different languages, the very root of the word disappointment can vary. In some, the word disappointment is an expression of a strong emotion – a negative form of the word fascination, to be enchanted. We can be so impressed by someone or something that our admiration borders on idolatry. It sets enormous emotions and expectations in motion.
About the person or object of our admiration does not meet expectations, strong emotional contradictions arise.In the biblical languages, the word disappointment has many different meanings, which are actually different aspects of the experience itself. Disappointment means, among other things: to betray someone or someone’s trust, to faithfully break a covenant, to leave someone helpless, to be false and lying or to – like an arrow on the way to the goal – suddenly change direction. One of the most interesting meanings is to be “paralyzed in the knees”.Disappointment, with its consequences, can limit our personal development and our relationships with other people.

WHY WE GET DISAPPOINTED

The fact that disappointment affects our lives can be explained by the fact that our human nature easily falls victim to disappointment. Human nature is egocentric. It is with ourselves as a starting point that we relate to life and others. But the ego is the worst foundation we can build our lives on. Especially when it comes to relationships. When me and mine become the starting point, disappointment has the opportunity to be born and grow in our lives. The self is selfish and proud. These qualities are the root of disappointment. Everyone is born with a penchant for selfishness and pride. If the influence of the natural properties is not reduced by us growing.

CHAPTER 2 – SOURCES OF DISAPPOINTMENT

A fundamental difficulty with disappointment is that it involves us humans to a great extent. In many situations in life, we feel that God is the direct cause of our disappointment. But our disappointment in God seldom stems from our direct dealings with God himself. More often, it is in our relationships with other people that our disappointment with God begins.
THE FIRST SOURCE
Relatively often, in conversation with people who have experienced sad things in life, I hear their bitter accusations against God. Negative events in their own, or their acquaintances’ lives, are retold with sarcastic comments like “if God exists and is so good, why did He let this happen, and why does He not do anything about all the misery in the world?”. There is a ton of disappointment in God, even among atheists, when difficult things happen.
That God should be the one who has disappointed us intentionally suggests that God is a person who can disappoint. But that is not the case. God is perfect in his personality. He is true and in Him there is nothing that would allow Him to disappoint people. He is the Rock, his deeds are perfect, for all his ways are right. He is a faithful God and without deceit, just and just. ”Deuteronomy 32: 4.
One could say that in the relationship with God it is impossible to be disappointed, because it is not in God’s nature to disappoint us, or disappoint us. Isaiah 53: 9 says of Jesus that “… for he had done no wrong, neither was any deceit in his mouth.” Joshua stands, at the end of his life, before all of Israel and testifies of God’s faithfulness and trustworthiness in all He promised Israel. In Joshua 23:14, we can read “… not one word has failed of all the good that the Lord your God has promised concerning you. Everything has gone to perfection for you, nothing has gone wrong. ”
God never betrays. His nature excludes any form of betrayal. Among other things, this amazing promise from God is given to man: “I will never leave you, I will forsake you, I will never let you down.”, Hebrews 13: 5. These words are not human words. God Himself claims this and He is fully capable of doing everything He says.
THE SECOND SOURCE
On the other hand, I rarely hear anyone express their disappointment at the devil. It is interesting that God gets the blame for most things, even though the concept of God stands for something positive. The negative that has been attributed to God’s name is due to the wrong practices of various religions. When we say that something is divine, we mean something good and beautiful. If we say that something is diabolical, we mean that it is negative and bad. Why then do we not attribute the misery of the world to the devil? With the language of the atheist, which can accuse God, even though He “does not exist”, it would be more logical to accuse the other “unreality” which still stands for the negative in our vocabulary, when we talk about the “fictitious spiritual the world ”.
But to express his disappointment in the devil instead would mean putting his trust in him. Although it sounds like science fiction, from a believer’s perspective, so in fact, there are people who put their trust in methods that are not only atheistic but can also be diabolical. In some cases, it is even about trusting the devil as a person. The devil even tried to get Jesus to put his trust in him by trying to persuade Jesus to fall down and worship him, then “… get all the kingdoms of the world with his riches.”
Anyone who chooses to live by the ungodly system runs the risk of being cruelly disappointed forever. Isaiah 14: 9–11 and Revelation 18: 9–19 describe the terrible deception that afflicts people who have trusted in the alternative system that the devil created and offered to man. He is, according to Jesus’ words, the father of lies, Joh. 8:44, and then everything he says and does is deceitful and leads to disappointment and corruption. The prophet Jeremiah describes the time in the evolution of mankind when it comes to insight: “… unto thee shall the Gentiles come from the ends of the earth, saying, Only our fathers have inherited lies …”, Jer. 16: 9.
The concept of father stands not only for the one who has given birth to a child, but also for people who have created ideologies, philosophies and other things on which we humans build our lives. Many people’s worldviews are based on different types of life philosophies created by humans. Evolution, materialism and atheism are some examples. Even religions are, in a sense, human inventions. Religion is the human attempt to define God and, according to that definition, to create a religious system of behavior and worship. But the gospel is not a religious system! The gospel is God’s revelation of Heavenly Father’s heart and His offer of revelation. Correction of the broken relationship between man and his Creator.
All these, man-made views of life will turn out to be lies. The fathers behind world views have taken many people away from God, the real father of the people.
THE THIRD SOURCE
The most common cause of disappointment is in us humans and in our relationships with each other. Man was created in the image of God. In the fall, she lost much of her likeness to God. We have ended up at a level where we are often surprised by our actions and attitudes towards each other. Even to creation as a whole, we often act in such a way that our actions arouse surprise and disgust.
No one can expect to be disappointed or to disappoint others. People with complete integrity and absolute ability to always say and do the right thing do not exist. Such a person would be in the same class as God. Jesus is the only perfect human being that ever existed.
The Bible symbolically describes human nature by showing what Pharaoh king of Egypt was like. Egypt is a picture of this world system. A language that contains the symbolism of the Bible describes the unreliability of Egypt. Egypt was a system where man was god and took the place that only belongs to the living God. Relying on the broken pipe rod Egypt, means: “it goes into the hand and pierces it. Such is Pharaoh king of Egypt to all who trust in him. ”Isaiah 36: 6.
Not only Pharaoh was like that. We are all unable to live up to God’s ideals on our own. The perception of fallen human nature is not a negative attitude towards man. Nor is it a negative view of man. We all live with the fallen nature within us, even born-again Christians. Our natural resources can therefore not help us reach God’s standard in our interpersonal relationships.
The Bible paints a realistic picture of man. There are no romantic, idealized images of people in Scripture. Ofel-only saints are missing. This sometimes surprises those who read the Bible and who have realized that people in the Bible should not do this or that. The same thing can happen in relationships with other Christians and can then lead to disappointment. This does not mean that we should accept the old, fallen nature as the governing factor in our lives, and in that way apologize when we act wrongly. We must be aware that we are only human and that by our own power we can never meet the expectations we ourselves, others and God have of us. The Bible says that God himself thinks about what material we are of. Without Him and without His Spirit in us, we are dust.
One of the few people in the Bible who received a statement about being a man “without deceit in his spirit” was Nathanael in John 1:47. Of course, there are people all over the world who are honest and sincere. We are not talking about having an attitude of suspicion towards people in general. We are talking about not having man as the ultimate authority in life. A deep and intense trust in man is something that in most cases, in the long run, results in disappointment, which can be a bitter experience.
Confidence in human ability leads to curse in the form of disappointment and other things that make life bitter. Jeremiah describes this in strong words: “Cursed is the man who trusts in men, and seeks his strength in the flesh, and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a dry bush in the heath and must not see anything good coming. He must dwell in the burning places of the wilderness, in a land of salt marshes where no one dwells, ”Jeremiah 17: 5–6.
We who were created in the image of God became through the fall fallen personalities with a nature that hurts and betrays.

CHAPTER 3 – THE TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT

The disappointment can be very complex and versatile. It is usually caused by one thing, but grows into a greater experience, which becomes a mixture of different disappointments. A total disappointment could be described as an experience with several different aspects, or several different disappointments.
DISAPPOINTMENT ON OTHERS
Disappointment of others is the most common. It is easiest to be disappointed in others. We humans have a tendency to seek out syn-dabers in others. Pride is a strong factor, which makes us blind to our own mistakes, and makes us blame others or the circumstances. It is common for us to first look for the cause of our failure outside of ourselves, and have some consolation in being able to explain away our own responsibility. This attitude leaves us open to disappointment in others.
DISAPPOINTMENT OF GOD
Disappointment with God also belongs to the dimension in which we blame others. Many times we blame God for what human shoes have done to us. This is especially true of those people who are in some way representatives of God, and who we associate with all that the concept of God means to us. There are also events where no human being is involved as an intermediary but where we think that God has directly let us down through unanswered prayers, disappointed hopes, illnesses or whatever adversity it may be. We think God should take responsibility for and explain all this.
DISAPPOINTMENT IN ITSELF
Disappointment with oneself becomes the next phase. This phase also belongs to the human dimension, which is everyday and concrete for us. It is in the nature of disappointment to go from one area to another. If it has started with disappointment in others, it easily continues with other types of disappointments, including on oneself. We live in a performance-oriented world. It is a lot that the environment expects of us. Written and unwritten laws and expectations bring us early in life into a cramped, anxious performance thinking and behavior.
We come under pressure, not only from others but also self-imposed pressure. We want to show our best sides, succeed, be of help to others and much more. The failures sometimes become frequent and difficult. Experience of our inability and clumsiness becomes the reason why we are disappointed in ourselves.
OTHERS ‘DISAPPOINTMENT ON ME
What other people think and feel about us is a factor that also affects our lives. I’m not going to spend a lot of time developing that idea, because we can not stop other people from having their opinions about us. If we have in any way given cause for someone’s disappointment through our way of acting, then it is clear that we can try to correct the misunderstanding, or ask for forgiveness if the action was a deliberate act on our part. Otherwise, it is the case that we never exist can fully prevent others from being disappointed in us, nor can it be our responsibility in all such situations.
After all, we are more or less affected by the statements of others about their disappointment with us, and therefore need to know how to deal with such situations. If our self-image is built too much on others’ opinions of us, then this will surely contribute to the development of our lives. Not caring about the advice and remarks of good friends at all can be dangerous bullshit and pride. However, taking this above too seriously, and building its image, under the influence of people’s general perception and comments about us, can be devastating to everyone’s development.
What can still be dangerous about this is that it also affects our perception of how God thinks about us. What we hear as children of our parents, teachers at school, and other authorities, can affect our self-image very significantly. Our disappointment in God can be affected, and even caused, by disappointment in other people. I believe that others’ disappointment with us can also affect us in how we perceive what God thinks of us. We are tempted and attacked in our thoughts, to believe that God is disappointed in us.
GOD’S DISAPPOINTMENT ON US
A disappointment of this kind then comes as a final blow to us in this process. It is not difficult to suffer from that aspect of disappointment, if we have already come under the influence of the earlier phases.
This can be the most difficult for us to overcome, if it has developed in our thoughts and feelings. We as believers are in the spear need to know and hear that God is not disappointed in us. Do we begin to believe that He is also disappointed in us – who can we expect consolation from, who can strengthen our then wavering faith in the future after all other disappointments? That is really the purpose of our soul enemy – to make us believe that God has given up on us. Then hopelessness can feel so difficult that it becomes like an insurmountable mountain for us. Then we are trapped in a total disappointment, and are then very vulnerable to what the disappointment, when it reaches that phase in its development, really wants and can bring about.
However, God never gives up on us and never rejects us forever, even if we feel that way.

CHAPTER 4 – DISAPPOINTMENT ON OTHERS

Relationships between people are the source of life’s joy and sorrow. Living in good relationships is of great importance for the whole of life and for our zest for life. But if something goes wrong in our relationships, it often has major consequences. We often experience conflicts in life that something else has caused us. I think that’s how disappointment usually begins
WRONG EXPECTATIONS
Man is created for fellowship with God and other people. Relationships and community are the most valuable and dynamic things in life. An encounter with another human being can affect life extremely much, especially when we go with an expectation that others will meet our needs. Then both the positive and negative emotional experiences become strong.
My wife Soila is Finnish. Before we met, we both had our pictures and expectations, of what the other would look like and be as a person. Soila wrote a poem about her dream prince and sent the poem to her parents. Soon she received her mother’s reply to the letter and a comment: you may have too high expectations of your future husband. There is hardly one like this! But, no it would be one. And that’s right – you should not marry anyone less than the dream prince / dream princess.

Some time passed, and she wrote letters to her parents again, telling them that she had now met her dream prince. She was “lucky in life” because the dream prince was myself. My first experience of her was about the same. Something happened on the inside and love was a fact. “The dreams came true” and the expectations did not come to shame. So we believed, forgetting that “love is blind.” Especially the first love.
We got married, and our expectations began to be seriously tested. I remember only one small detail. Colored by my culture, I had many expectations, including that breakfast would be on the table, especially when I went on trips. During the first week of the honeymoon, it was not so important that she lived up to my expectations. Then there were more important things than having breakfast served every morning. But then things would come into it, in my opinion, the right order.
It did not quite turn out that way. We had slightly different expectations and perceptions about who would get coffee in bed. There were also many other things that did not live up to expectations. More and more of our dreams turned out to be a little too big. The worst thing was that these details became so large that the important things began to be obscured by the disappointment that began to increase in our lives. What would have been the fulfillment of expectations began to become what was ruining our lives. Was it the wrong person? Did I hear right, God? Why God? Many strong emotions began to creep in. All because of the disappointment that was born in our hearts.
I did not ask myself if my expectations were justified and realistic. No, in the beginning it was just my hurt feelings which were important. It was I who was the victim, it was me she betrayed and it was my life that was being destroyed. Many such thoughts and feelings came to me. It was the infinite selfishness of the self that reacted and awoke to life.
In the voice and in the attitudes one could hear and see the disappointment in both of us. It required some friends, who looked at all this from the outside, to point it out to us, so that we might begin to see and really understand what was going on in our lives.
NAAMANS DISAPPOINTMENT
The Bible describes an event, which could be a model for disappointment due to false expectations. The course of events is described in 2 Kings 5: 1–14. Naaman’s situation is described here.
A respected man with high status in his country, had an incurable disease – leprosy. It made life bitter for him. Many of his friends probably asked themselves – why him? Such a man, such a leader and warrior? Presumably he himself had many questions and perhaps some dialogues with God about this. As if by chance, of all the prisoners he has taken with him to his land, Naaman gets a girl in his home, who begins to instill hope in Naaman in his situation by providing information about a certain prophet in the land of Israel. He could cure him, was the message. Enormous expectations were raised within Naaman. Maybe the solution was on its way. After all these years of hopelessness, there would now finally be a cure for him. The girl’s information gave him hope and set in motion an emotional process with enormous dynamism. All hope was now put into this. All expectations were now set on the trip, which he would make to another country. There was a person there who would cure him. That the hopes were great and the expectation of a miracle was strong is also shown by the great play on the gift he was to bring to the Prophet. It was 54 kg of gold and 84 kg of silver, plus a lot of nice clothes.
Investing so much in a gift shows what expectations he had of the person he set his expectations on. The size of the gift would certainly affect the intensity of the disappointment about the expectations was not fulfilled.
A letter was also sent to the King of Israel. There were some misconceptions about who would cure Naaman. The king was shocked by the expectation placed on him. He understood that the letter had come to the wrong address. He was not God, and only God and not gods can heal people! The deeds that Naaman expected of the king of Israel were not in human capacity. It became a provocation and a challenge of an insulting blow to the king. Even though he was king, his ability had limitations. This applies not only to kings, but also to all other people! We would need to remind ourselves of this a little more often, in order to save ourselves many unnecessary disappointments. Already here, Naaman began to doubt that his expectations would be met. The disappointment may have started already here.
Why did he go to the king of Israel instead of the prophet, as it was said from the beginning? Maybe it sounded more authoritarian and more hopeful with a king? Kings are associated with omnipotence. We can easily do other things to “the almighty king” in our lives. It can be the church, the state, the social system, our minds or any guru.
But the prophet was also nearby, the one the girl was talking about. To him Naaman was going and now he was here. The Prophet gives Naaman simple advice on what to do to get well. Immerse yourself seven times in Jordan! It could not be easier! So the prophet does so that Naaman does not associate the miracle with a human being, and has no unrealistic expectations of a human being! Elisha knew that only God can work miracles.
The continuation of the text, in verse 11, describes Naaman’s violent reaction and tells how Naaman became angry and went his own way. What is happening now? Here hopes and expectations are fulfilled and yet Naaman gets angry. Why? Well, because it did not turn out as he expected. He said, “I thought he would go out to me and step forward and invoke the name of the Lord, his God, and bring his hand back and forth over the place and then remove the leper.”
Disappointed and angry! It did not go the way he expected. He was not shown enough honor. The pro-fat did not even come out to him. No red carpet and no welcome speeches. His own expectations were becoming the biggest obstacle to his needs being met. But then he became sensible and gave up his own perceptions and expectations of how it would go. He expected the miracle from a man, but it came from God. There was a man who channeled Naaman’s expectation in the right direction – to God! The miracle happened when he dared to let go of his expectations. The Prophet also did not accept the gifts, in order to emphasize that it was God who did this.
What happened to Naaman several thousand years ago is unfortunately not an event, which only belongs to the past. Daily people live such disappointments. Parents have their own picture of what the children will become, and that will not be the case. The parents want the children to become something they expect of them, that their favorite person will become their child’s life partner and many other expectations put pressure on the children. The children are disappointed in the parents, who gave them the wrong name, forced them to education, which they themselves did not really want, never bought what everyone else bought for their children.
Congregations are disappointed with their pastors for not living up to their expectations. They are expected to be like little gods sometimes. There are many pastors who have wounds because they have been fired in such a way that one may ask whether Christian ethics has been involved in the process at all.
Pastors and leaders have been disappointed in the congregations they work in. There has been insufficient respect and response to preaching and little appreciation for other achievements they have made. Leaders who live their lives through the church are especially prone to disappointment. In Christianity today there are countless cases of this kind. If we want to see a breakthrough in the gospel message of reconciliation and love, in this wounded world of ours, we Christians must first dare to face our disappointments.
We must also learn the lesson that man, regardless of how good he can be, is an insecure card to play on in life. The second thing we must learn is not to have exaggerated and inhuman expectations. Expressed and unspoken expectations put others under demands and performance pressures that become inhibiting. I have noticed that when I pronounce unrealistic expectations of my wife, my children and my friends, they have failed the most. Unrealistic demands on others, expectations that they will be as I want them to be, easily become a paralyzing factor in relationships, and we are disappointed in others.
The same thing applies with me when it comes to thinking about myself. That’s when I often fail and fall, which leads to me being disappointed in myself.
MISCONCEPTIONS IN COMMUNICATION
In Matthew 20: 1–15, we have an event that describes this problem as a cause of disappointment to someone else. Different groups of workers come to the same employer to work for him. The first group signs a contract with the employer, and the daily wage is determined by an agreement. The second group, which comes a little later, also agrees with the employer on the reward. Finally, another group arrives, but there they do not settle the salary.
After work, everyone gets their salary. First come those who worked the shortest time, and they receive the same salary as agreed with the first. These, who worked the longest, looked at what the last ones got, and began to believe in a little more reward. Optimism grew as their interpretation of the employer’s actions with the last spoke for it. But that did not happen, and the protests became strong. It seems that the employer was not fair. The protests were met with a simple explanation from the employer. He did exactly as they agreed. There was no talk of injustice.
Why were they disappointed? Well, these workers began to believe in something that had no basis. Many times we do the same misstakes. Someone might promise us help in a difficult situation without mentioning how great the help will be. Our great need is the cause of unjustified optimism. The help is less than we thought and we are disappointed and see it as a betrayal, even if it was just a matter of our unwarranted belief or outright imagination.
Instead of our own interpretation, we should first make sure that we do not misunderstand the other person’s words. Then misunderstanding in communication will not be a cause for disappointment. It is easy to blame both God and man for betrayal. “I really thought that…” it usually sounds when we express our disappointment. But was it really God, or someone else, who said so, or did we hear what we wanted to hear, what we were in so de-desperate need of?
Our belief that God will do something for us cannot be based on anyone else’s experience. The experiences of others can give us reason and inspiration to seek God’s help. But there is no guarantee that we will be part of the same thing.
There are crowds of people today who have heard preachers say that God has healed them, He will bless them, if they just give money or something else to their work. When this does not happen, they are disappointed, because they thought that what the preachers said was the same as if God said this, or they felt strongly that it was right to do so. It is obvious that there are many in our world who use God’s name incorrectly, and for their own gain. Their responsibility is great when it comes to how theydo things in the name of God and what motives they are driven by. At the same time, we must learn that the betrayal of men is not the same as the betrayal of God. If a human being has let us down, we will not be disappointed in all of humanity. Why be disappointed in God, if someone or someone who has acted wrongly in His name has betrayed and deceived us?

FAVORITISM

There have been attempts throughout history to create a more equal society through various political and economic systems. People have the same value and should be treated equally. This has always failed, because it is in the fallen nature of man to want to rule over others. The feeling of prestige is a strong drive. It is obvious everywhere that we do not treat each other without favoritism. The causes can be simple, incomprehensible and very serious; clothes, what car people drive and what interests, which are popular. This can apply to social status, but also national affiliation, skin color and the like.According to God’s word, favoritism is “sin and transgression of God’s law.” Through his death on the cross, Jesus showed the attitude of the heart of God in this matter. To Him we are all equally valuable, and therefore favoritism is a sin.James 2: 1-9 describes the behavior of valuing according to external values, and it is clearly stated that this is contrary to God’s way of valuing people. The tragedy is, according to the text, when the same practice characterizes the Christian church life, which should demonstrate something other than what we so often see in our world.The text is a very sharp rebuke even of today’s Christianity in many places. There are some favors among us. It is as if we do not really understand that the kingdom of God and the gospel are completely different. The values ​​are many times the reverse in the kingdom of God compared to what they are in the world. In our world, almost all socializing is shaped by status. Groups are everywhere and members are prioritized. If you do not match our group’s profile, you will be treated not with priority and sometimes not even seen as a worthy person. If you are not a member of our congregation, we do not have as much time and interest in helping you. You can be on the waiting list, but there are a few calls before and the waiting time can be long.There is a lot of that attitude among us. There are “important” members who are favored. Those who give a lot of money to the church, have higher education and a position in society, and those who are sons and daughters of leaders. The pastoral ministry can sometimes be reserved for a pastor’s son, even if God’s calling is not clear or not there at all. If we treat some siblings better than others, be it because of social status or spiritual status, we do the opposite of what God’s word teaches us.This should not be confused with the fact that there may be legitimate reasons why you sometimes have to spend more time with certain people than with others. Nor is it about everyone being equal or having the same amount. Even in the first assembly, everyone received according to their needs and not according to any equality law. Equality lies in the fact that we value and treat each other with the same respect and attitude that God meets us with. We are all created in His image and there is a reason why we should not have favorites among us.It can even be difficult to avoid this mistake in your own family. The man after God’s heart, King David, had a hard time practicing this on his own children. David had three sons, who experienced completely different treatment from his father. Amnon was his firstborn, and there is often a special feeling and connection between a father and the first-born son.
2 Samuel 13: 1-21 describes a tragic event. Amnon rapes her half-sister Tamar, Absalom’s sister. Absalom is the second son. Amnon committed a heinous crime. David heard about this and in verse 21 it is written: “But King David heard about all this and was very upset.” Another translation goes on to add “… but David said nothing to Amnon, because he did not want to hurt him, because he was the firstborn and David loved him.”The tragedy was preceded by Absalom’s persistent attempts to get his father to come to a party he had arranged. David came up with excuses like, “No, my son. We can not all agree, then we would be a nuisance to you. Although Absalom pleaded with him, the king would not go with him, but took him away. “After avenging his sister’s humiliation by killing Amnon, Absalom was forced to flee his home. After a long time he was allowed to return and live in the same city as his father David, but he was not allowed to see him. David did not want to see him.Absalom’s disappointment grew into bitterness and aggression and manifested itself in acts of violence against those around him. His disappointment was due to the fact that he experienced rejection from his father, a rejection that was clearly felt by David favoring his other children in front of him. After two years, he was allowed to come and meet his father, but was also treated with cold instead of heat.Similar experiences can be deep in our memory from childhood. Absalom was the middle child, and is mentioned as the child who gets in trouble, gets the least attention and is most easily forgotten. However, it’s not just about this, but also about various circumstances that make the children not been equally treated.After Absalom came Adonijah the younger. David may have understood that he was too hard on Absalom and tried to do the right thing with Adonijah. He went from one ditch to another. Absalom received too little attention and was probably often reprimanded. But about Adonijah it is written in 1 Kings 1:26 that his father never wanted to hurt him by saying, “Why are you doing this?”Similar events are common even today. I often meet people who have been exposed to such things. Sometimes it is events and behaviors on the part of the parents that are almost inconceivable, especially when it happens among us Christians, who know that God loves us all equally. In communism it was said that we are all equal. But it was still the case that some were “more equal than others …”.This disappointment often runs deep in people. Many times you do not dare to mention it to mom or dad until you have grown up. But if we leave it as a wound in the soul, it can create a bitterness that hurts ourselves.
TO BE UTILIZEDIt may seem that throughout our world there are always those who take advantage of situations and exploit other people. If you look at the history of mankind, there is always the question of who will rule over others. And these have no ambitions to help others to a good life. It’s all about being used for a single purpose, that the riches of the peaks should grow and that their future must be secured. People are exploited in different ways on a daily basis. To exploit a human being is to humiliate him and to say that he is unimportant and less worthy.A typical picture of how often it is in our world is described in 1 Samuel 30: 11–13 where a sick soldier is handed over by his comrades in the midst of battle. I remember an interview with a leader of a larger company, who was asked about how they deal with people who have been burned out. The answer was that they are exchanged for others, who are healthy and strong. With the hope that this attitude belongs to the rarities, it still shows what level of appreciation and appreciation of man there is in our world. As long as you are useful, productive and contribute with your ability and talent, you are popular and appreciated. It is a general feeling today that one should be as useful as possible and it should cost as little as possible!Many have experienced the same thing in their congregations. As long as you are active and give to the congregation in different ways, you are noticed. Should it happen that for some reason you can not show up anymore, you will be easily forgotten and unchallenged. If you leave the church for various reasons, you can be part of a treatment that is not close to Christian ethics.The Bible account of Tamar and Amnon involves another aspect. Amnon longed so much for his half-sister Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for Amnon to do anything to her, 2 Samuel 13: 1–19.He was advised how to trick her into getting what he wanted from her. But, as we already mentioned, when Tamar refused to agree to Amnon’s proposal, he raped her. The text describes how Amnon was subsequently seized by a very strong hatred of her. The hatred he felt was greater than the love he had previously had for her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and go your way!” Then she said to him: “You have no cause for this great evil. Shifting me would be worse than the other thing you’ve done to me. ” But he did not want to listen to her but shouted at the young man who was his servant and said: “Drive this woman out of here and lock the door for her!”Unfortunately, the event is not unique either. Tamar was just a sex object for Amnon. He exploited her for his selfish desires and then threw her away. There are many women in our world who have had similar experiences. We men can be very clumsy and selfish. Our selfish attitude in this area is degrading and hurtful.To be treated in a way that obviously shows that you are only good as long as someone benefits from you, is offensive. It hurts and disappoints people.
UNFULFILLED PROMISESGiving a promise to someone, especially when the person is in need, evokes very strong emotions. My promise may be the only hope the person gets. It can be like the anchor in the big-but. Failure to fulfill the promise may give rise to disappointment. Not fulfilling their promises is like saying that the person is not so worthy, or so important that I have to do what I promised. This is not only irresponsible of me, but also offensive to my fellow man. Solomon warns in Ecclesiastes 5: 3-5 to give ill-considered promises to other people: “Do not delay to fulfill the promise you have made to God, for he does not delight in fools. Hold what you promise! It is better that you do not promise something than that you promise and do not keep it. Do not let your mouth cause your body to sin, and do not tell the messenger that the promise was hasty. Do you want God to be angry for the sake of your words and destroy the works of your hands?We can often promise based on our own need to be helped. We promise the person one thing and the other, as long as they stand up for us. When our needs are met and the crisis is over, we should not betray our promises. It can also happen that a person trusts us and we promise not to tell anyone. But then we fail to keep the promise, and then this becomes a betrayal that hurts the other deeply.In the past, a person’s words meant a lot. It was enough to say their promises to each other, in front of some witnesses, and the agreement was a fact. A handshake between two people was proof that they were in agreement. Today, the promises have almost lost their meaning. Giving marriage vows to each other can now mean something other than what is really being said. When one promises fidelity “until death do us part”, it can rather mean “until a new love, in someone else, separates us”.It is promised to the right and left today just to make its aims come true. Politicians and insurance companies can put together promise stories that sound fantastically convincing, but then hardly apply. Today, people are realizing more and more that they are often just means to achieve other people’s goals and that the promises are often given to get other people’s voice or contribution. A word-language in a culture says that “promises are for joy only to fools”. Sometimes we can give a promise to others that we do not dare to say no, because we are afraid that in that case they will not remain our friends. Promises can be used in very manipulative ways in general. How we use them in relation to other people often reveals our view of people.
BROKEN FRIENDSHIP RELATIONSHIPSFriendship is a source of much joy but also of great sorrow in our lives. Without friendship, life would not be as wonderful, but neither would it be as difficult. We invest a lot of time and energy in friendship. Man is created for community. Community is impossible without relationships, without friends.One of the most difficult experiences in life is losing a friend. Losing a friend through a conflict means that you get deep wounds in the soul. The more we invest time, energy, emotion and trust in a friendship, the more painful the disappointment becomes when things go wrong. If someone we had a superficial relationship with betrays, it hurts. But the wounds do not get so deep. If, on the other hand, we have shared our lives with someone in a special way, the disappointment becomes deeper. Sometimes it can affect us so that we never again dare to give in to him in relation to anyone at all. “Burnt child dreads the fire.”In Psalm 55: 13–15, King David writes about his deep pain due to a broken friendship. The text uses strong expressions of closeness in the friendship that ends in one of them betraying the other. The prophet Zechariah also speaks of wounds he received in the lives of his friends: “I have received them in the house of my friends.”, Zechariah 13: 6. Another translation says that he received these wounds when his friends tried to discipline him, or correct him.
In Christian contexts, this has happened many times. There are thousands of people who have been excluded from congregations in the name of discipline. With the Bible in hand, we have shot at each other. We have, out of legalism and out of fear of not bargaining for God’s standard, trampled on human integrity and dignity. In the past, these were banal things. Hair length and skirt length, makeup or no makeup. Even more often, exclusions were made following directives from dictatorial leaders, who claimed that individual members were not subordinate.God’s word provides guidelines for church life and church discipline. But exclusions have not always been based on the Bible. Nor out of zeal for the name of God. There are men-shoes that have turned their backs on God and congregations because of clumsy, unjust, unbiblical, and inhuman practices, all under the name of discipline.
SELF-JUSTICEOne of the most common causes of our disappointment in others is our own self-righteousness. It sounds unusual, but it is not a rare cause of disappointment to other people. Wise King Solomon warns in Ecclesiastes 7:17 “Do not be too righteous and do not be too wise. Why would you destroy yourself? ”Self-righteousness is the most common fruit of religion. If we live by the law, and think we succeed to some degree, then self-righteousness will be the result. It, in turn, sets expectations and demands on others by our standards.The apostle Paul was a very ardent religious man. He lived up to the requirements of the law. Even after his conversion to the God of grace, he did not become completely free from his strict and demanding the ways. Acts 13:13 describes in a rather undramatic way an event from a mission trip. John Mark is unable to continue traveling with Paul and returns home. It all looks pretty undramatic. Some time later, they would be on the next trip and then other emotions emerge, which were not seen for the first time. Acts 15: 36-39 describes an emotionally charged dialogue between two apostles, Barnabas and Paul, because of John’s apostasy during the first journey. Paul does not think he should follow the second time, because he may not be so reliable according to Pau-lus. Barnabas is a little more understanding towards the young man and wants to give him another chance. “Their dispute became so sharp that they parted,” the text says.It is clear that Paul was disappointed that John Mark, in Paul’s judgment, betrayed him last time. Paul himself was uncompromising and tempted to expect others to invest as much as he himself. Therefore, he was disappointed in John Mark and his way of abandoning them.The prophet Elijah was another who was tempted in the same way. He believed that no one else in the land loved God except him. Of course, we can be disappointed in our siblings if we think they are lethargic and lukewarm. I remember a time from my Christian life, when I could become both irritated and demeaning in my attitude toward those who were not “as passionate” about God as I was. However, it may be appropriate to ask us by whose measure we measure.Another aspect of self-righteousness is that in our disappointment we often express it this way: “Why do you do this to me, when I never do this to you?”It may also be that your wife does not respond to your tenderness at a time when you take the initiative. But if she comes shortly afterwards and wants to give you a hug or kiss, then you do not want to. If she does not want when I want, so be it.Many have left churches and broken relationships precisely because of this. If you do not want what I want, I will go. You do not threaten and accept anything other than what you yourself consider to be right. The self-righteous hurt themselves the most.

CHAPTER 5 – DISAPPOINTMENT OF GOD

Many people are disappointed in God. They believe that it is God’s fault that their lives have been destroyed. That this would be God’s will with a person’s life is contrary to the concept of God and God’s personality. If God exists and if He is perfect love-play, then this thought is absurd.
We read in the beginning that He is a faithful God, without betrayal. How then can He betray us? Does He play with humanity? Is He teasing us?
In conversations with people who claim to be disappointed in God, one soon notices that they are actually disappointed in the churches and in the people who, through their work, represent God. What churches sometimes present as God is often cause for disappointment. It is far from everything that we present as God, who really is God.
I want to honestly say that I can neither, nor intend to try to be God’s advocate in the matter of the mystery of suffering, or other inexplicable aspects of life. There are countless cases that are humanly difficult to explain. What I still want to emphasize is what God himself says in the Bible, in his letter to us humans, that He is a good God and that His will is the good of man. He is the origin of humanity and the Father. “All the good things we receive and every perfect gift are from above and come from the Father of lights, with whom no change takes place and no switch between light and darkness.”, James 1:16. We look at creation beauty and harmony, with all the resources for life, we can understand what God’s heart is like. That His intentions with all creation then would be different is not so likely: “I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, the thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end, and a hope”, Jeremiah 29:11. God’s idea of ​​life has certainly been different from what it looks like today.
The most important thing in all this is that God would never leave his creation to chance. He has a perfect plan and resources to end history, and an individual’s life, in a way that gives meaning to existence and the goal before us: “We know that for those who love God, all things work together for good …”, Romans 8:28. The very goal is that we should be united with Him from whom we came. The Apostle Paul, in his discussion with skeptical Athenians, quotes their own Greek writer, who has said, “For in him we are living, moving, and being … We are his offspring.” Acts 17:28.
Despite all this, there are many people who think they have reasonable cause for disappointment in God, and they express this. Some of these reasons we will go through here. It may not cover all people’s experiences, but represents some of the classic accusations that people mention in their disappointment with God.
IT’S NOT WORTH IT
I have met many who say that they have invested everything in God and have not received much in return. A person came into a deep crisis after 15-20 years of his life with God. He left congregation after congregation. In the end, he could not do anything, like it had nothing to do with either church or God, even though he was an honest and devoted believer. At a late age he was not yet married. This was just one of many disappointments he experienced during all the years of church work. He expressed his disappointment in God. It was before God that he renounced so many things in life and believed that everything else would then go to him, as it says in Matthew 6:33.
There are leaders who teach about surrender to the church, as if it were the same thing as surrender to God. In this way, people get the impression that God’s blessing depends on their faithfulness and accomplishment toward the church.
One of my friends started working at a Bible school. There he heard from the school leader that the order that applied in the work was as follows: God first, then the church and then the family. The result for this friend was divorce. Even if it was never God who said or demanded it, it is easy to be disappointed both on the one or the one who represented God in the situation, but also on God himself. God’s main thought in relation to man is not man’s achievement but his love for Him. Religion is demanding, but the gospel is good news. Everything required to please God is accomplished in what Jesus did. Therefore, everything we do is our love-play response to the love God shows us.
When I became a Christian, I gave my life without reservation to God. I wanted to serve God and live for Him and His kingdom. At the beginning of my life with God, I had nothing. I left my country, my family and my friends and came to Sweden because I wanted to be saved and live a different life. I never thought on the material in my relationship with God. I was happy with what I had, a place to sleep with some friends, food for the day and clothes. God never let me down. Everything I wanted in my heart, which had to do with serving God, I got without having to mention it to other people. The gospel says that He knows everything we do need and therefore we do not have to worry about such things.
Then I married Soila, who had a similar attitude to life. She wanted to serve God and it was His responsibility to take care of us. This is how we have lived all these years as married and this is how we still live today. We can honestly say that we have always had everything we needed.
But, there have been periods in our lives when I have been very disappointed in God. Many times I thought He gave us too little, because we invested everything in His kingdom. We had old cars, we could not always buy new bikes or clothes for our children. I could sometimes both scream and kick in my disappointing look. God, we serve you and look here how the neighbor, who seems to ignore you, is feeling and how we are feeling.
Psalm 73 I could very well identify with. Asaph complained to God that others who did not serve God were both healthier and richer than he. His whole burning surrender to God felt in vain. But when he stopped and thought, he got a different perspective on things, and his attitude changed.
Elsewhere in the Bible, objections to God are also described: This is because some people thought it was better for the cheeky who defied God than for those who believed in Him and wanted to serve Him, Malachi 3: 14–15.
Much of our disappointment with God is due to our perception of what God is, or should be. If we believe that He is to be a springboard for our needs, a business partner who gives a return on our investment in His firm, then we have misunderstood both God and His way of relating to us. Although He has promised us more than we can dream of, that is not what God wants us to use Him for.
None of us want to be loved just to be exploited. Nor should we do anything for others to be loved. If we do, we are only trying to buy the love of others, which in such cases is not real love. Why, then, should we have such an attitude toward God, who is the only one who loves us with perfect love? The only thing He wants is our hearts’ sincere love for Him, in the form of our response to His love.
Unfortunately, it is not always the case that we perceive things correctly. The Bible says in one place that the people of Israel sacrificed their children to God, something that God had never asked of them. In this way they wanted to make sure that God would give them success, happiness and protection.
Peter and the other disciples also wanted some guarantee that it would be worthwhile to follow Jesus. We humans think in paths of profitability. The problem, however, is that our perception of profitability is often measured by visible results, and preferably by the material.
ANSWERED PRAYERS
Being disappointed in others can result in being disappointed in God. Our faith in God is often influenced by what we see in our fellow believers. Our experiences with other Christians can be crucial if we are drawn to God, or if we turn away from Him. It may be an exaggerated excuse many times, but the fact remains, we often look more at how people do, instead of looking at God. If we really honestly want to know God based on what He says about Himself in His word, then we will not be disappointed in Him.
The difficulty is that we often want God to play on our terms. If He does not do as I please, then I will be convinced that it is not worth believing and trusting in Him.
During a time when I was a pastor in a church, a boy, in his early teens, fell in love with a woman in her twenties. He was a wonderful person, severely physically handicapped from birth. At one point he told me that if God did not give him that woman as his wife, then he will be so disappointed in God that he will leave Him. These were very strong conditions he set as a requirement for proof that God is a good and faithful God.
Under the circumstances prevailing at that time, especially the age difference, it was understood that it was not really wise of him to set such conditions for his continued faith in God. It happened, however, that the woman married another man and the boy turned his back on God. He felt that God betrayed, could not be trusted, and was not good.
King David witnessed something similar. He took another man’s wife and lay with her. He saw to it that the man was later killed in the battle and then took Bat Seba as his wife. It was an act completely against God’s obvious will. David wanted to escape from this, but succeeded not. Through a prophet, God let him know that the deed was known to God.
It is sometimes strange that we humans believe that if we just skillfully hide our transgressions, no one, not even God, will see them.
Confronted with the fact that God knew what he was doing, David confessed his sin to God and the Prophet. But he was also told that the child born by that act would not survive, 2 Samuel 12: 13-14.
Bat Sheba gave birth to a son, and then begins a very instructive drama, which is described in 2 Samuel 12: 15–23. David fasted and prayed that God would let this child live, but this did not happen. There are many questions we could ask here, based on our way of seeing and thinking about this event. As king, David represented God before the people. But what he did was a gross violation and the way in which he tried to escape was completely wrong. Others knew what had happened, and if David had succeeded in his plans, those around him could have gotten the impression that God is not so careful about such things.
What is remarkable is what David did after seven days of fasting and prayer, when he heard that the child had died. He went and worshiped God. He did not go and complain and protest. Nor was he disappointed in God and did not begin to doubt His goodness.
There is a dimension in faith in God that transcends all human reasoning and that belongs to a true trust in Him. It is when we can still worship God in difficult times, because He is our Father, that we trust even though we do not understand some of what is happening. It is in these difficult situations that the temptation to disappoint God becomes great.
Jesus expressed his confidence in the Father as He struggled in Gethsemane over the hardships He had to go through. In Matthew 26:39, Jesus says these famous words: “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup go from me. But not as I want but as you want. ”
Disappointment with God is the ultimate result of the conflict between how we perceive God to be, and how He really is. Actually, it is a conflict between our will and His will. Can we trust Him, that He is our Father, and a perfect one, good and generous? If we believe that He knows what is best for us, then we will not be disappointed, when things do not happen in accordance with our plans and desires. But if we expect Him to be the way we want Him to be, and do what we want Him to do, then the disappointments on Him will be both great and many.
This is mankind’s great problem with God. We want to decide what God will be like. By doing so, we show that we do not want to worship an almighty Creator but our own creation, that is, ourselves.
Many of us have experienced that we prayed and did not receive prayer answers, at least not one that we wanted. I have been through this many times. When our first child was born, she had colic. At that time, my wife and I were reading books with faith-strengthening messages. We just read that we had authority in Jesus’ name over diseases. We stood up and ordered all the problems to disappear so that we could sleep well, but nothing happened. The screams got even worse and stronger, we thought. I wondered where the fault lay and why God was so silent, now that we had such great faith.
Things did not get better until after three months. The disappointment of God was a fact. But later I realized that just because He did not answer our prayer as we wanted, need not be proof that He ignores us, nor reason to be disappointed in Him. I was a little disappointed in myself too, and in my weak faith. This in turn made me start-they doubt if praying for the sick was something for me. Then I stopped. Others who had greater and stronger faith than I could do that, I thought then.
Although there is truth in the claim that our faith means something in such situations, it is not the whole truth. God can be both bigger and “smaller” than our faith. Sometimes He does much more than we can believe, and sometimes it does not happen at all as we so strongly believed. What we sometimes consider to be faith is perhaps not much more than our desire for it to be so. Faith is a God-given belief in the heart and not just a lot of knowledge and information we have gathered.
A few years ago, my wife had a strong ear infection. The ear was swollen and it echoed all the time. The doctor said it would stay that way all her life and she came home sad and sad. We had prayed a lot for this and wanted to believe that it would be different. Of course, we asked our questions to God and to each other. Why does it not work, what’s wrong?
It is always easy to say that the fault is with us – with God it is not. If you think you believe sincerely and still do not see results, then you can become discouraged and disappointed in God. But at a meeting it was invited to intercession for the sick. Soila, my wife, went forward even though she did not think anything would happen. Instead of praying for her ear, the speaker said a few words of encouragement to her. She was very encouraged by it and said within herself: “With a healthy or sick ear, I want to love you Lord. It does not matter if you heal me or not! ” She went home after the meeting and her ear was just as sick. But in the morning when she woke up all the pain was gone, the echo had ceased and her ear was healed.
We can easily be disappointed in God if our relationship with Him is characterized by expectations that He will do things for us. He knows what we need and is our good Father. His perfect will is that we should not be sick, for Jesus paid the price for our healing. But even if we are not allowed to experience healing, God is with us and we are loved by Him.
Not always getting the answer to prayer we deem necessary, just when we think it is needed, is not proof that God is not answering. It can simply be a manifestation of the word in Isaiah 55: 8-9 where it says that God’s thoughts and ways are both different and higher than ours.
The soul enemy wants to use everything, to make us put the blame on God. He is not only the brothers’ accuser before God, but also the one who accuses God before us. The devil’s strategy is to make us feel guilty and guilty. In addition, he knows that our fallen nature is a fertile ground to sow the seeds of disappointment in.
GOD IS TOO HARD
The ordinary view of life puts man and his interests at the center. In practice, this means that things that serve our interests and feel good to us, most often it will be, which we consider to be correct. What gives the most and demands the least of us, we gladly accept. It follows that it becomes illogical not to accept the gospel. It’s completely free, because Jesus paid the price with his life, and it gives us everything and requires no action on our part. We only need to believe in it. In our inability to understand God’s thoughts and ways, we often judge God’s actions incorrectly.
At one point, in 2 Samuel 6: 5-8, David felt that God was harsh and merciless. When he, and others, then read carefully how God had said they would have done, they understood that God did not act on the basis of harshness. He is God, and we can not get Him to change the law just because we want to go a way that is easier for us and suits us better.
There are situations that are complicated. It is not possible to understand everything, not even to get an explanation for everything in this life. Our perspective is short and God’s eternal. What looks good at the moment may not be so great in the long run. What may feel like a tragedy for the moment may be very different in a longer perspective, especially from an eternity perspective. But, if you do not have God and an eternity perspective in your life, it becomes almost impossible to reconcile with the events that, in our opinion, are tragic. Many times we could be more comforted if we realized what He says in His word and by getting to know Him more. Then perhaps we would not so often be disappointed in God, calling what He does unfair or wrong.
A few years ago I met a woman at a meeting. It was her first visit to the church in a very long time. She no longer went to church, and preferred not to have anything with God to do. She was disappointed in God and thought He was too harsh. Her daughter had been on her way for buying flowers for a friend who turned one. She had her two daughters in the car. They had a serious accident in which everyone died. Her question was, “Why did God allow this to happen?” If He is like that, I do not want to have anything to do with Him, was her conclusion. But when she heard the teaching of disappointment-see, the disappointment released her grip and she was free to move on in life.
One of my best friends fled with his family from the war in Yugoslavia. In their youth, they were convinced atheists. They came to Sweden, and in time they changed their minds and became Christians. Life was totally changed. They did not receive a residence permit here in Sweden. Instead, an opportunity opened up for them to come to South Africa. Both were civil engineers and got top jobs. Everything went like a dance. So one day I got a phone call informing them that they had both died in a car accident. A truck had come from the other side of the motorway and collided with their car. Two teenage children became one, without parents.
God, why right now when they have begun a wonderful life, when Jesus has become their friend and Savior? Would not life be even better now? There are lots of questions that will never get an answer here on earth.
If there is no eternity, a life after this, then all such is inconceivable, and then we should not blame God either. If there is no God then there is no eternity either, then everything depends on chance and fate and then God can not be held responsible. The strange is that even if we do not believe in God, He is still to blame for many misfortunes. That is also the purpose of the devil.
When I think of these our beloved friends today, I know they are not gone forever. They have come home to the Creator, to their eternal Father. The real disaster would have been if they had not known God. From an eternity perspective, that comfort is great, even if it does not explain everything in life.
GOD IS TOO PLEASE
That kindness would be the reason we are disappointed in God does not sound logical. He is good and you can never be too kind, you might think. But it is not uncommon for people to be disappointed in both God and others, because of kindness. It may seem that someone is treated too lightly compared to someone else, or at least milder than they deserve.
The prophet Jonah had problems with God’s mercy. God gave him the message that the people of the great city of Nineveh would be judged for their sins. Jonah did not go there with joy, because such messages are not something that makes prophets popular. And no one wants to be hated, it’s much more fun to be liked.
The verdict was harsh and Jonah proclaimed it. But the whole city turned to God and escaped judgment. Then the problems for Jonah began. For the result did not turn out as he expected. Jonah’s reaction to God’s mercy was fierce. Jonah 4: 1-9 describes a dialogue between God and Jonah in which we see how disappointed Jonah was in God. The disappointment of God’s surprising actions made Jonah angry and refused to continue cooperating with God. Jonah may have thought that he would get a bad reputation. What would people think of him now, when what he said in the name of God was not fulfilled. Many times it is a mixture of self-interest and the difficulty of understanding God’s ways that causes disappointment.
When our children were born, we handed them over to God. We asked for protection from accidents, injuries and everything else negative. One of the children was very lively and a lot of things happened, which damaged his little body. At one point when he fell and knocked his teeth bloody, I became furious with God. “Why do you allow this God, when we have prayed and trusted you?”
Many of us form an image within ourselves that life with God is problem-free. Life is not without problems, but without God it would have been much worse. By nature, I am a bit of an idea-list, and disappointment has been very close to me. From a purely human point of view, I am an easy victim of disappointment.
The worst thing is to live in and out of disappointment. Disappointment is the cancer of the soul, and it sucks out all the joy and power of life. Only in the very concept of God is there a self-evidentness, that He is perfect. Yet we often find it difficult to believe that God is perfect in love, and that His perfect knowledge is also the basis of His actions.
I do not think we can achieve a faith and an understanding that make us always just rejoice. Our painful reactions are not abnormal. That we wonder, ask, and protest belongs to the imperfect understanding that we live with here on earth.
If the difficulties become disappointing, it can result in accusations, bitterness and ultimately divorce from God. That’s what the devil wants, while God wants us to always be trust Him and be comforted by His enormous love for us. We need to know that eternity with Him exists, and that all tears will one day be wiped away, and that everything that is now so difficult to understand will be explained.
FATE OR GOD
I use this term even though I do not believe in it. Fate and God are two concepts, which are mutually exclusive. Fate says that something that is beyond your ability to control has determined how your life should be. Many religions say that you live “the life” that another world and another dimension has determined for you.
It is wonderful to know that God exists and that there is no destiny that has made my life the way it is right now. Ödestron explains life’s situations as inevitable. Life with God, on the other hand, is a collaboration between God and man.
Many times we are disappointed with what we have not chosen for our lives, but which affects us strongly. Why was I born in this particular country, by these parents, in such circumstances, why did I get the name I am being bullied for? Appearance can be problematic, especially if you were born with a disability. “Why me?”, If God is just and loving?
Job was a man who could easily be disappointed in God. He lived a righteous life and did right in the eyes of God, to the extent that God himself confirmed his innocence before the devil. But then one day accident after accident happens. Not only do possessions disappear, but all his children die in accidents.
He himself suffers from a serious illness. It could have felt like this came from God. It is interesting to see how his wife reacts, and how Job himself reacts to everything that happens. Job 2: 9–10 describes the reactions of both of them: “Then his wife said to him, ‘Do you still hold on to your piety? Curse God and die. ‘But he answered her:’ You speak as a foolish woman would speak. If we receive the good from God, shall we not also receive the evil? ‘During all this Job did not sin with his lips. “
Job’s wife’s reaction describes disappointment in its full intensity. It also reveals the ultimate purpose of disappointment – to “curse God and die,” as she puts it. That’s exactly what the devil does, he wants to use the disappointment to. First, He wants to separate us from God, and reject faith in Him to finally make us end our own lives. This is the nature of the devil, and disappointment, in its worst form, is his product and therefore destructive. Job himself came to a point where he could not bear everything and he expresses his disappointment and bitterness, by saying that it would be better if he had never been born, Job 3: 3, 11-13.
It is not difficult to understand Job, nor everyone else, who has had a difficult life. Many times I have wondered if I can handle much easier situations than other people are in, without accusing God and being disappointed in Him. I am then often ashamed to state that I may be tempted to be disappointed in Heavenly Father for pure trifles.
Meeting people who were born in difficult circumstances but are still not disappointed is extremely powerful. One of these, who has left a strong impression on me is Lena Maria
Klingvall. Born without arms and with only one whole leg, which is not perfect either. From a physical point of view, life has really been unfair to her. But the way she relates to her situation is enormously encouraging. Instead of complaining and being disappointed in life and in God, she has given herself to God and to His plan with her life.
To me, she is one of the strongest examples of what God’s restoration accomplishes in a person’s life. Among other things, God has used her as a testimony in Japan. She shows that His ways are different and higher than ours. From a human point of view, this choice is foolishness! This is exactly what the Bible, in 1 Corinthians 1: 27-29, tells us, that God usually does: God has chosen to make the strong stand there with shame, and that which was for the world was insignificant and despised, yea, that which was not, God has chosen to make nothing that was, for no man shall glory before God. ”
To the most efficient and performance-oriented industrialization in the world, God sends a man who does not have the basic conditions to be able to be efficient. But there is something else that counts in life, especially with God.
She could use her life to complain and protest. We humans might even give her the right to do so. For what has she done wrong to suffer it-take? But thankfully, God gave her grace to give Him the opportunity to use what is there, instead of complaining about what is missing.
The prophet Jeremiah was another who found his fate difficult. God always gave him tough messages to convey to his people and Jeremiah did not become popular through this. God gave him the commission. And sometimes it felt so hard that he wanted to give up. Why should I endure so much mockery, shame and ridicule for God’s sake? It is latent in most of us that we are easily disappointed in God. But when all goes well for us, we do not usually think so much that it is God’s goodness that gives all this.
But if only something goes wrong, the feeling of disappointment in God can come quickly. However, it is never He who betrays. He is God in whom there is no betrayal. The more we get to know Him, the less we will accuse Him of things that did not go our way. He is worthy of all our trust without the slightest fear that He will disappoint us.

CHAPTER 6 – DISAPPOINTMENT IN ITSELF


The world we live in is characterized by high expectations of others and of ourselves. Proving to others and to ourselves that we are good and best at something is a strong driving force in human nature. These are the best, who are in demand when it comes to jobs and it is these who are praised by the public. There is great satisfaction in succeeding, becoming something, standing on the podium, being praised. For countless crowds, life is about reaching heights in life that guarantee material success and glory. From the very beginning, we can enter into different systems, where we quickly understand that we must achieve and perform more than others in order to move forward.
None of us like to be defeated, or put to shame. No one wants to look worse or own worse things. There is a risk that we are exposed to a competition process early in life. The demands on performance and the pressure on us are so great that it often becomes terribly difficult to live this kind of life. It’s really just a matter of when we’re disappointed in ourselves, when we can not withstand the pressure that is around us. Simplified, one could say that the result of entering the competition leads either to disappointment or to self-assertion, arrogance and pride. Of course, there are people who manage to hike the golden mean and manage to avoid these two ditches.
Succeeding strengthens our self-esteem. But other things also happen in connection with a success. We are easily fascinated by ours success. We start “flying” too high. One success demands even more and even greater. It can be a path, which can lead to disappointment. In this process, we are to follow one person in the Bible – the Apostle Peter.
In Matthew 16: 13-19, Peter excels in answering Jesus’ question about who they thought He was. Although Jesus clearly says that it was not due to his own skill and ability to answer correctly, Peter is still strengthened in the feeling that he is a good guy. If we understand that our gifts and abilities are not our achievement but given by the Creator, then it could protect us from one ditch – to start flying high, which in turn would protect us from the fall – the disappointment.
But we humans have an enormous need to be recognized and appreciated, and therefore we want to attribute the success to our own ability. Success, as I said, also builds self-esteem, which increases self-confidence. After that, we can easily act on the basis of self-confidence, which actually becomes more arrogance than healthy self-confidence.
In Matthew 16: 21-23, this happens to Peter just minutes after the success. He acts on the basis of a self-fascination nation, which was the result of the great success. The moment before was a strong acknowledgment of his ability to correctly perceive the voice of God, and it happened in front of all the other disciples. It gives Peter an advantage over the others, at least in his own eyes. He considers himself capable in the next moment of rebuking Jesus for his misunderstanding of what is the path to success for him. Petrus is probably carried by the feeling from his fine performance a while earlier. Sometimes it is so, that a real success can lift us to heights, which trick us into starting to have too high thoughts about ourselves.
Matthew 26: 31-35 shows that Peter is still convinced of his ability to do things. He is sure that he will be able to do what everyone else has failed to do. Everyone but not me! Behind these words is also an honest longing in Peter, to really do what is right. He wants to, but does not yet understand that he cannot handle everything on the basis of his own strength and ability.
Paul talks about this conflict between our honest will and our inability to do the divine work on our own, in Romans 7. Our attempts, no matter how honest and wholehearted they may be, can result in disappointment in ourselves.
Mark 14: 32-38 describes a new disappointment for Peter. He who trusted in his ability not to disappoint Jesus when everyone else did, again encounters his own inability to reach the level he so desperately wanted to be at. He can not even pray for an hour with Jesus. Jesus says something to Peter that was enlightening: “The Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” In other words, Jesus says that what you have in your heart is what the Spirit puts on your heart. There is nothing wrong with your heart’s long-tan, but in your human nature and ability, you are too weak to do so. You need other resources, which are not within you now.
Peter was an impulsive and unstable person, we might say. But to only describe him as such would only be partially correct. He was also a person who wanted something with his life. He dared things that others did not dare. He dared to go on the water, took the initiative, wanted to invest everything in what he wanted to do. Maybe he was sometimes driven by mixed motives, wanted to be the biggest and best, but was also willing to face the truth about himself.
Based on his temperament he made many mistakes, and had to start over and over again. Another failure is described in John 18: 10-11, where Peter takes the sword he had with him and cuts off the ear of one of the soldiers who came to capture Jesus. It is Peter’s zeal for Jesus that drives him. He acts too fast, makes gross mistakes and harms others around him. Sometimes he is stressful for his surroundings. He encounters different reactions to his behavior, reactions that are not always encouraging.
Everything that happens in his life causes him to change. The image of himself becomes different. There are too many mistakes. Maybe he’s on the verge of something dramatic in his life, and maybe he will not last long. The event that became the nail in Peter’s coffin is described in Matthew 26: 73–75 when he denies knowing Jesus at all. When the rooster crows, according to Jesus’ prediction, Peter’s self-disappointment becomes total, and he bursts into tears.
He denies his Lord three times. He uses strong words to assure people that he does not know Jesus or have anything to do with Him. This was the last of a series of occasions when Peter so honestly and eagerly would have wanted to do something for his friend, for Him who he knew was the Messiah! There his own power capitulated. Everything fell apart, and the dream of being something great in the kingdom of God became instead a great disappointment. I’m not good enough, I can not perform what is required. The next step was to give up. This is typical of disappointment.
John 21: 1-3 describes a step that Peter took, and which many of us take or are tempted to take. Peter said he wanted to leave all that with Jesus and go back to the old, the one he mastered.
Sometimes the Christian life becomes full of demands. It is preached in such a way that we get the impression that it is our skill and ability to believe that is crucial. The strong are blessed while others find it difficult.
The Christian life is not based on achievement. It is from beginning to end the work of God in us and in our lives. We can do nothing for our salvation, and just as little for anything else. This does not mean that we should be lazy and leave everything to God to perform, but we need to learn that none of the divine lies in our ability to perform. That lesson may take time to learn, but it is necessary and if understood correctly, it is very liberating.
A few years ago, I witnessed wonderful healing miracles. Unfortunately, I could not deal in the best way with what God did. Even though I knew it was God’s work, I began to feel a little more spiritual and stronger than others. Prayer meetings could not be as strong without my prayers. Worship services were not good unless I did something. Most things got worse if I was not involved. It was almost as if I was beginning to feel that what the great God would do must somehow have to do with me. It obviously put an incredible amount of pressure on me.
My expectations of myself became so high that nothing I did was enough. I prayed too little, read the Bible too little. It felt like everything depended on what I was doing and how much I accomplished. Trying to meet the demands that man places on his life based on his religious aspirations is doomed to failure.
I remember my own experience a few years ago. I was at home and tried once more to pray to be able to move on. But this day it looked dark and I could not see any future for me. All the sins and mistakes of the past were like a thick fog. I cried out in despair before God: “I can no longer bear it. I can no longer believe that you, God, can handle me. ” I was going to quit everything. Not because I wanted anything else, but simply because I had fallen too many times. “God can not stand me. I have betrayed the call, the plan that God had with my life. ” Everything felt hopeless. The whole life investment looked like a failure. I felt unable to move forward, to move on. It was here that the meaning of the word to be paralyzed in one’s knees came alive. Disappointed people have a hard time moving on in life.
Then I heard a quiet voice within me whispering, “My gifts and my calling are irrevocable,” Romans 11:29. “It is up to you whether it will be a continuation. I have not given up on you. “
It became like an injection into my soul. The light broke through all spiritual darkness. Suddenly I saw that what I considered to be my end could be the beginning of God. I saw that all mistakes were not really something to marvel at. To be shocked and amazed at their mistakes is a sign that we have not gotten to know ourselves, that is, human nature. It was only failure I could accomplish in this work, when I had myself as a starting point.

To say to God – “now I can do no more”, and then give up, is like denying God’s ability to take me further. It is like saying: “God, I can not do this and then you do not do it”. That we are disappointed in ourselves can be a saving insight. It is always difficult to deal with, but it can lead us to a greater dependence on God, and free us from the trap of seeing ourselves as the central resource in life. Jesus said, “Without me you can do nothing,” John 15: 5.
This does not suit human nature. She does not want to be dependent on anyone else. We do not want our lives to be so closely linked to anyone else that we are completely dependent on anyone, not even God himself. The gospel is not adapted to human ability, but it is for and not against man. It is impossible to live the gospel with only human forces. Therefore, God is not completely surprised by our cases and mistakes. He knows what we are like, “For he knoweth how we are created; he remembereth that we are dust,” Psalm 103: 14. God does not expect perfect achievements, but honest hearts and a willingness to go His way. The problem is that in our nature we want to achieve something that we and others think is good, so that we have something to brag about. We feel better when we have done something ourselves, than when everything is the work of God. The feeling of having done something on your own is often our real driving force. But at the same time, that feeling is a trap that often results in disappointment.
Our end may be the beginning of God. The soul enemy wants to convince us that it is over, that there is no point in moving on. In a way, it is a good suggestion, to give up your own attempts is good. But it’s not the same as lying down and despair in hopelessness. Capitulation can either bring us closer to God or cause us to sink into despair.
Exchanging self-confidence for trust in God is what faith is really about.

CHAPTER 7 – IS GOD DISAPPOINTED ME?

After these three phases – disappointment in others, in oneself and in God, there is one left. The disappointment becomes total when I begin to believe that God is disappointed in me. If I begin to believe that God is disappointed in me, then I have nothing left in life to hold on to. Can God be disappointed in us humans? Is He not perfect in His character? Does He not know everything and is He affected by our betrayal of Him?
Sometimes we believe that God is perfect in the sense that He has no feelings, especially not such negative and destructive feelings as disappointment. We can not imagine a disappointed God with a comment like: “how could I do so stupid?”, “Why have they hurt me so?”.
However, God can be disappointed, I think. We can see some events in the Bible that clearly indicate God’s disappointment. The difference is still great in how He responds to disappointment.
We have a hard time dealing with the feelings of disappointment, because they control our thinking and action and affect our lives strongly. However, God is capable of overcoming disappointment, and He is never controlled by such feelings. We read about feelings that are familiar in connection with disappointment, already in Genesis 6: 5-6, where God himself expresses his sorrow regarding the development He saw among people on earth.
God is not a machine or an emotionless person. Sorrow and joy and the whole spectrum of emotions are in His personality.
We are one of the proofs of that. The notion that God is an emotionless person often comes from the notion of different idols. They are usually presented with animal faces or with cold expressionless faces from mythology. However, that is not God! Isaiah 63: 8-10 shows the feelings of disappointment in God: “For he said, ‘They are my people, children who will not fail.’ And he became their Savior. In all their affliction there was no real affliction, for the angel of his presence saved them. In his love and compassion he redeemed them and carried them in the old days. But they rebelled and grieved his Holy Spirit. Therefore he became their enemy, he himself fought against them. “
The text here shows how God’s feelings toward his people Israel change markedly. He, who is their Creator and Father, changes to become their enemy. He who fights for them becomes one who fights against them.
Experience shows that the best friend can become the worst enemy, if the relationship breaks down due to disappointment. God had done everything for them, taken them out of Egypt’s slavery, given them the best laws to live by, carried them through terrible circumstances and performed miracles that no other people had seen. We could list much more, but the words are hardly enough to describe everything. Yet, after all this, they reject Him time and time again. They choose idols before Him, and trust in the miserable inventions of other nations. Grateful, they turn their backs on the God who has proved them countless times, his love, power, and existence.
It is a provocation that is difficult for us humans to understand. The Creator of all, He who loves us and has given us life, which repeatedly shows its love and does everything for us, is exchanged for lies and worthless idols.
Another event, which shows that God could experience disappointment, is described in 2 Samuel 12: 7-9. What disappointed God in David’s case was not the very sin he committed. What hurt His heart was that David chose to take matters into his own hands. He who received everything from God, who was exalted from shepherd to king of the people, chose to ignore God and decide for himself. The very reason for this is what saddened God’s heart.
There are times in our lives when we have a hard time believing that God loves us more than we do. Therefore, we do not dare to trust that He will do what we long for. We are afraid that He will say no and therefore we choose to get it ourselves. There may also be an indication that we are on the wrong path, and therefore we do not dare to go to Him with the question.
Yet another such event is described at 2 Kings 1: 2-4. One of Israel’s kings, Ahaziah, fell ill but chose to seek the help of an idol worshiped by other peoples. The confidence in a dead thing made by human hands was greater than the God who created heaven and earth and man himself.
The Almighty and the living God are replaced by a dead idol. The loving Father against a cold, emotionless and powerless invention of man. It allows God to actually feel a certain disappointment towards us.
However, there is a significant difference between God’s disappointment and ours. God never lets disappointment take over. He never gives up and He does not reject us. He is faithful in His covenant with us and He wants to continue to believe in us. One friend told of a time when he was very disappointed in himself. He heard God say to him, “I do not know if you still believe in me, but I do believe in you!”
It sounds incredible that God has more faith in us, who are so imperfect, than we have faith in Him who is perfect. It makes a difference and gives hope.
Therefore, we can not lie that God is also disappointed in us, in the same way that we humans are disappointed. God can do it better than we can, for He is not defeated by any of the devil’s inventions, no matter how effective these inventions may be on us humans. There is our hope! He does not take back His gifts and callings, and He is able to accomplish everything He cares about us, even if we feel failed and disappointed.

CHAPTER 8 – SIGNS OF DISAPPOINTMENT

Adam and Eve’s disobedience has had dire consequences for mankind.
There are aspects of life that we have not done anything to get, but we have simply got them in the package of life. Sin is one such side. Rejection is also a side, a consequence of sin, which we have to struggle with from the beginning of our lives. Rejection is to be rejected because of incompetence. Man was rejected by God in paradise because of sin, because sin and God do not go together. The rejection is only there when we are born, and is the basis for performance thinking.
But God, who rejected man because of sin, has also made sure that we do not remain rejected forever, for He never rejects forever. 2 Samuel 14:14 states that “… it is not the will of God, nor the will of God, that the one who is moved be removed from him forever.”
These great problems have been solved by what Jesus did for mankind. Through man came sin with all its consequences into the world, but through Jesus came all that was needed for a solution.
With disappointment, it’s different. We are not born with disappointment, but are disappointed by various events in life. We have our share of disappointment, but we can also avoid it, or prevent it from developing.

Disappointment hurts the soul, the emotions. This means that we react and usually express it. Some people do not do it in a visible way at once, but you notice over time that that feeling is below the surface, even if it is not expressed drastically or visibly. How it emerges depends mainly on the personality and the environment in which you grew up.
In some parts of the world, the step between emotion and expression is very short, while in other parts of the world people have a harder time expressing emotions.
Personally, I do not think this is entirely true. Gesturing and verbalizing one’s emotions is what we call expressing oneself. We do not usually see silence as an expression of emotions, but it is also a way of reacting and expressing oneself.
Some people find it difficult to verbalize their emotions, because it can be accompanied by confrontation. You do not want to be a part of it, and therefore you avoid it. We do not like to quarrel, it can be hot. It can be the fear of confrontation with the reality behind it.
Others find it difficult when silence comes in, and you do not know what is going on. Lack of communication is the death of relationships. How we communicate can vary and should not be compared. He who expresses more risks being misunderstood more. Silence can be considered wisdom and maturity, which to some extent may be true. Those who are spontaneous are at greater risk of revealing their true feelings.
Sometimes this has been difficult for me personally here in the Nordics. I find myself in a world where I run the risk of being both admired and despised, because of my spontaneous personal hot. Sometimes I have felt immature and clumsy. Shame has taken hold of me and I have wished that I too would be, like others who do not show their feelings as clearly. On the one hand, I have felt disappointed in myself that I was not more mature and could behave “as one should”. On the other hand, I have felt disappointed in those around me, who judge the behavior of others based on their own culture, and value people-shoes based on their own mentality – only!
If there is sincerity and authenticity in our personality, the way we should be should not show whether we are good or not. But we live in a world where external things can unfortunately be crucial. This is what makes many people play the game that applies, try to adapt incorrectly and rape themselves on their originality.
The change is not so complicated technically, but still difficult, because it affects one of the most difficult and complicated parts of our personality – our emotions. We all have a longing to be accepted and liked as we are.
Describing the most common signs of disappointment can help us detect them early so that we have a chance to deal with them. Then disappointment does not complete its course in our lives. Here, too, the rule applies that “on the fruit the tree shall be felt”.
ANGRY – WRATH
If we return to the text of Naaman, in 2 Kings 5:11, we can see his first reaction: “But Naaman was wroth, and went his way …”
Anger and anger are strong emotions. However, it can be different how we express them. An, for me, unforgettable experience was to attend a discussion between two spouses who were our friends. He reacted to something he thought had been unfair to his wife. “Now I’m getting hysterical,” he said with a clear expression of disappointment, but with a very low and gentle tone, which became almost comical to me. He was angry, hysterical, as he put it. But to me the physical aspect of his angry reaction was surprisingly mild. Whether one way of reacting is better than the other is not always easy to say. We prefer the calm reactions, but it does not necessarily mean that these are less angry or less destructive.
Disappointed people usually speak with an angry tone about them, or what has made them disappointed. Not waving your hands and not having a loud voice is not always proof that the anger is less. However, it is very important to remember the words of the Bible: “Anger, but do not sin”, Ephesians 4:26 (Bo Giertz translation). Denying or repressing emotions can be as dangerous as giving them uncontrollable outbursts. There are times when anger is justified. The most important thing is that we do not cross the “border” in anger.
SLANDER
It becomes difficult not to ever reveal what happened, what hurt us and makes life difficult. The tone of the speech, about the person or thing that has disappointed us, begins to become aggressive, negative and accusing. All pain is associated with a particular person or context. Usually the words are very subjective, and express one’s own experience of the situation and all the pain you carry within you. The devil himself blamed God before Adam and Eve by saying that God really only told part of the truth. He tried to make Adam and Eve mis-credit God’s credibility and make them trust his own version more.
Negative speech is often spread by disappointed people. We sometimes seek consent in that way and hope to justify our disappointment. All speech from a disappointed person is not always slander. Disappointment is not easy to bear yourself. Expressing feelings of disappointment can be a liberating therapy. It is still important not to be driven by these emotions. Then we become victims of these feelings and let the bitterness take root in us.
DIVORCE
Anger and slander can result in divorce. We do not want to be close to the person who is the cause of the disappointment and the feelings it brings. We want to protect ourselves, by separating, distancing ourselves from what has caused our disappointment. Divorce can occur due to conflict, or you may withdraw. It is beginning to be noticed that the contact has become thin, and the way of greeting is different. Maybe everything still happens in dignified forms but without warmth and without the personal that previously existed.
Disappointment has an ability to avoid contact. Parish members who have been together for years suddenly do not know each other when they meet on the street. People turn in a different direction as they approach each other. This can hurt terribly. One may then ask what is the perception of people about God and the kingdom of God? Can we really say that we are a people in a different realm and still behave this way towards each other? There are many people in our country today, who have been expelled from their congregations. The leaders have mentioned them by name and recommended (can be read ordered) others not to have contact with them. Sometimes there have been methods that not even the world applies. What hurts extra when this happens in Christian congregations, is that our confession is so high. When we live differently than we speak and without fellowship in love and acceptance, the disappointment becomes strong for those affected.
MISS COURAGE
Disappointment removes joy and faith in the future. Disappointed people are not optimistic. They often lack the power to move forward. That is the meaning of the word: “to be paralyzed in the knees”.
Disappointment can be paralyzing for man and his will to move on in life. We get stuck in the steps and often lack the motivation to move on. It feels like we have him-nat in clay, which turns into quicksand. You sink deeper and deeper into emotions that block the way forward. The disappointment can rise like a high wall before our eyes and the future begins to feel meaningless.
When we struggle with the reality of disappointment, and do not understand the forces behind it, then there can be spiritual quicksand in our lives. We become engrossed and affected by difficult emotions, and feel no desire to move on with relationships or contexts, not even with life itself. After being disappointed in himself, Peter became so discouraged about his future walk with Jesus that he confessed that he could not take it anymore. He wanted to return to the old way of life his life. After all the failures, the disappointment became so concrete that the disciples lost all courage and faith to move on with what looked so exciting and promising when they began to associate with Jesus.
DAY DREAMS
Daydreaming is typical of quite a few disappointed men’s shoes. Everything else can feel better than the situation they are in. There is always something wrong with the present. Therefore, they often dream of something better. Not infrequently, they also think of their past as something better. This very page shows that disappointment can be destructive in nature. It can tempt us to go back to the old patterns, even if they were destructive.
As a new Christian, I could sometimes feel a great loneliness, even though I moved a lot among people and had many contacts and friends. Not many people took the initiative and got in touch. I also struggled with rejection-seeing, but associating with others gave me the feeling of being worth-defull. I could therefore feel disappointed in all these friends, and I often commented on our community with sarcasm in my voice.
I could “hear” a voice within me: “Why should you be so sad? Do not see that no one cares about you. You remember how much fun you had before. ” I felt drawn back to my old lifestyle. Even what was ruining my past life could look better in moments of disappointment than now.
Exodus 14:12 describes the Israelites’ disappointment with God as they wandered through the wilderness. Their dissatisfaction with the unfulfilled needs were so obvious that they wanted to return to slavery in Egypt! Just because they did not get everything they expected from God, they were disappointed. They thought it was better to be tormented slaves in Egypt, than to have problems on the way to the Promised Land.
Numbers 11: 1–6 speaks of another outburst of discontent. We do not get what we want, and then it is wrong of God and better to return to Egypt to the old way of life and a life where we were slaves under tyrants. It is remarkable how we humans can reason, when we are disappointed. I have heard people say that it would be better for their children to continue their lives in slavery of various destructive habits than for them to begin to believe in Jesus.
When, because of disappointment, we feel drawn to what we previously hated, we should stop and see what the forces behind the disappointment are.
SELF-PITY
Disappointed people often feel that other people and circumstances are the cause of their disappointment. They are victims, and that is where self-pity comes in. They often think that they themselves are both innocent and better. Self-pity is a way for the disappointed person to assert their right to be disappointed.
The prophet Jonah was very disappointed in God and His way of treating both the inhabitants of Nineveh and himself. When God let the ricin bush, which protected Jonah from heat, dry, Jonah became angry. When God asks him if he thinks his anger is justified, Jonah replies, “I must have reason to be angry to death,” Jonah 4: 9.
Such a dramatic response to such a small thing, we might think. But the disappointment is an extremely strong emotional experience. It is blind and unable to see reality in an objective way. Everything is interpreted based on hurt feelings, the hurt self.
The prophet Elijah himself went into a state of self-pity. He was disappointed in his fellow human beings because they were not as passionate about God as he was. He thought he was the only one who properly represented God. “‘He himself went on a day trip in the desert. There he sat down under a bush. He wished death and said, ‘Now that’s enough, Lord. Take My Life ‘”, 1 Kings 19: 4. This feeling can easily capture people with a prophetic gift. They can often see what is wrong with pre-church life, and talk about it. When it is not accepted, it often disappoints them. Then they feel rejected and often feel sorry for themselves. Self-pity can sometimes be the only friend of the disappointed one. But it is a false friend, who wants to keep us in disappointment and enable this destructive process to continue.
FEAR
Fear also becomes one of the fruits of disappointment. The fear of being hurt and let down again can be cripplingly great. You do not dare to enter into new relationships for security reasons. The boldness to take new initiatives decreases. Failures leave traces in the soul-life. Fear becomes part of the paralysis that disappointment usually produces. It is believed that the problem of insulation is solved. But, escaping into this state can make the fight even worse more difficult. Sitting alone in your dark world of disappointment does not lead to healthier lives.
BITTERNESS
If one were to use simple mathematics, one could say that these points mentioned so far are ingredients in the drink of bitterness. It is not uncommon for me to meet people, Christians are no exception, who have become bitter because of what they have experienced in churches and workplaces. This is quite common among forty and fifties.
If the bitterness finds a place in our feelings and thoughts, it becomes difficult for us to see the problem in an objective way. We can then easily fall victim to a lifestyle that is characterized by accusations against other people and society at large. Even if there were objective elements in our argumentation, bitterness does not contribute to quality of life, on the contrary, it deprives us of the joy and quality of life. The bitterness can in turn also be the cause of physical suffering.
Many years ago, my wife and I met an elderly person who, in his old age, was still disappointed by something that had happened earlier in life. Although she was materially well off, she had no joy in life. Every conversation and every fellowship she was in was marked by the disappointment she never dealt with. The bitter tone of her comments about life and people was obvious. If you let disappointment get its way in us, life can become “a hell on earth”.
The Bible warns us to “make sure that no bitter root shoots up and causes harm and many are infected,” Hebrews 12:15.
DEPRESSION
At the beginning of our marriage, my wife and I worked in the same workplace. It was Christmas time and hundreds of people came to the bookstore we worked in. A time when everyone should be kind and nice. The day started with a little quarrel between us that grew in me. Why is she behaving towards me in this way? I kept pondering over it and difficult feelings became stronger and stronger. We served people at the counter, wrapped packages in nice covers and wished a peaceful Christmas. All this with my agitation during this artificial “nice cover”. I struggled with this and knew that if I just touched her with my little finger, everything would disappear. But, my wounded I did not want it. The hours passed, and finally I made it, seemingly so simple movement. It was as if the air went out of me, and everything became bright and nice again. I suffered hours of suffering because of my own pride, claiming that I had the right to be disappointed.
To “indulge” in such a state of emotional suffering, to go angry and depressed for hours, by “asserting one’s right to be disappointed”, can not be good for oneself. It is when we have chosen to continue living in that state “that it turns out that disappointment can be stronger than our ability to think logically and make wise decisions. Disappointment takes over mind and world of thought. It usually has an aspect in itself that allows it to lead to a traumatic development, such as depression. If we allow such a state to continue not only for hours, but for days and years, we will ruin our lives.
Depression is the dark, deep valley where the above emotions rule. These feelings can take over in our lives there because our pride prevents us from looking at the situation from something other than our wounded ego. If you do not deal with all this, these experiences will not be temporary. The experiences can turn into negative attitudes that characterize our way of dealing with other people. We live in a world, especially we in the western world, where we are close to superstition about the power of tablets. Through all these medications, we try to alleviate depression, even cure it. Without taking that problem lightly, I would dare say that the root of the difficult state of mind can often not be cured by medicine alone.
DEATH AS THE “SOLUTION”
This is the ultimate purpose of disappointment, the goal of the steps that the devil himself is the architect of. He himself has walked that path and has gone from life to death. In him there is no light, no life and no love. John 10:10 says that the devil “came to steal, to kill, and to kill.”
The feelings of disappointment are hard to bear. They do not build up the soul, but break it down. They are difficult to fight on their own. Since the end of life can never be defeated by medical means, neither can disappointment be defeated, when it is allowed to act freely in our lives and produce the above-mentioned feelings and experiences. Adam opened the door to death. The last Adam, whom the Bible calls Jesus, defeated death. When disappointment becomes intense and reaches deep into our souls, our whole life is overshadowed by it. It can then be difficult to get rid of it. We need more than just human resources to overcome it.
Through experiences of disappointment, the devil wants to paint life so meaningless and so hopeless that he can as the next step place the idea of ​​suicide as the only way out. Why should you suffer? The world is like that anyway, and life is not what you thought it would be. It does not get better. It only suffers, and therefore it is better to end everything… ”These false words often echo in the minds of disappointed people.
I am convinced that the largest percentage of suicides have started with disappointment. It can start early in life. Disappointment can remain in the subconscious from early years, to be expressed later in life.
Unfortunately, Christians are not completely free to resort to this solution. A young Christian man, who was born with a disability, was found dead one day in his study. He took his own life by hanging himself. But something must have been a trigger for that step. If we do not see the disappointment as it is, and deal with it, we are tricked into a path that can lead to death. Not only spiritual death but also physical death.
A story in the Bible describes the seriousness of letting disappointment go fully into life. Ahithophel was a highly respected adviser to the kings of Israel. His counsel was appreciated and was seen as God’s counsel to the people. But on one occasion Ahi-tofel’s counsel was rejected and the following happened: “When Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not being followed, he saddled his donkey and broke up and went home to his city, and after he had arranged his house, he hanged himself. But then he … ”, 2 Samuel 17:23.
It sounds almost unbelievable that a man could take his own life because his advice is not accepted. But this is probably not the only case of suicide caused by a seemingly small thing. The disappointment that what I offer is rejected, can be so deep and degrading for some people, that they can not deal with the situation in any other way than to end his life. You can not bear the disappointment of yourself, your failure and the treatment of others.
Ahithophel was a respected and intelligent man. He held a high position in society, and many sought his advice. But then came the day when his services were rejected. He was no longer needed, and it became too much for him. The future perspective turned black due to a single failure and the result was tragic.
At one point, I spoke to a group of people about disappointment. At the end of the Bible study, a man came to me and said that this had saved his life. He was about to commit suicide, but realized who and what was behind these thoughts. With God’s help, he rose from his disappointment and continued to live.
Suicide is the devil’s solution to disappointment. With God and His help, there is a life even after the disappointments.

CHAPTER 9 – BACKGROUND OF DISAPPOINTMENT

When looking at the consequences of disappointment, one must ask how it can, if we allow it to develop, bring about such a destructive level and produce such difficult feelings?
To understand the seriousness of disappointment, we must find its origin. The entrance to all negativity in human history is described in the third chapter of Genesis. There began everything that in a negative way affects our world, there we can see the entry of disappointment into man.
Disappointment usually consists of strong emotions. It is therefore difficult for us to fight it only mentally. Disappointment often overwhelms us and can ruin our entire lives.
The most important part of the spiritual aspect of disappointment is that the first disappointed person in creation was an angel who then became the devil himself. It is therefore neither wrong nor excessive to say that disappointment can be diabolical.
Once we understand how it can be, we will not claim the right to be disappointed. We will also understand that we need to deal with our disappointment before it takes root in our soul life and develops into something that can destroy it.
Lucifer, the creation of God, an angel who carried the light, clung to the idea of ​​becoming as great as his Creator. How a created being could think will remain a mystery to us humans. To see God and see His power and glory, and to know that it is He who created life, and yet wanting to believe that one can become the same size, is inconceivable. This is what happened to Lucifer.
Isaiah 14: 12–14 describes thoughts in this creation of God — see: How have you not fallen from heaven, you radiant star, you son of the dawn! How have you not been brought down to the ground, you who knocked the people to the ground? Thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into the heavens: I will establish my throne above the stars of God … I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will make myself like the Most High. ”
How could such an ambition end in any other way than in disappointment? This resulted in him, created by God as an angel, becoming the devil and the enemy of God and man. Disappointment personified.
When man initially said yes to the devil’s offerings and alternatives, humanity came under the influence of the destructive nature of evil. The nature of evil is inherent in man after the fall, and is the basis of all evil in the world. Trying to explain all evil in man and in the world with biological and chemical factors is impossible. Man is not just a physical being and his problems are not limited to the physical dimension. Spiritually, man stands on one side or the other. Jesus has said, in Luke 11:23, that he who is not with Him is against Him.
In one of his songs, the famous singer Bob Dylan has said that no matter who you are, you must serve someone – it can be the Lord, or it can be the devil, but you will serve someone. In other words – man is not his own master, as he so desperately wants to believe. One could mention countless examples of people’s actions, where they themselves says it was not their intention or will to do what they did. They were affected by something inside them or outside them, which was stronger than themselves. The feelings of disappointment often result in a state and in an action that transcends the explanations of the mind. If it were in the power of the mind to combat the destructiveness of disappointment, it would not look in people’s lives as it often does. Nor would the consequences have been so tragic in so many cases.
THE DEVIL’S TACTICS AND WEAPONS IN THE BATTLE AGAINST GOD
We need to understand the background to disappointment so as not to underestimate its destructive power. The devil wanted a seed of suspicion against God. Unfortunately, he succeeded. In this way, the way was paved for disappointment in the human race. Even today, he applies the same method in his fight against God.
Many people claim to be atheists. But when misfortune or other evil happens in life, they begin to blame God for the misery. So they say, “Why does God allow it, why does He not do something about difficult situations? Why did He take my father and mother from me? ” Or something similar. The devil wants to blame God. By blaming God for what he does, he wants to make people disappointed in God.
When she saw her husband’s suffering, Job’s wife suggested a solution based on her own disappointment: “Then his wife said to him, ‘Do you still hold on to your piety? Curse God and die. ”, Job 2: 9.
The statement of Job’s wife clearly shows the devil’s purpose with the disappointment – break with God. He’s caused your misery. None of this you go through and suffer is worth fighting for with life, therefore death is the best solution. It is the voice that echoes in the minds of many people when disappointment has taken hold in their lives.
I think many suicides are caused by disappointment. If we let disappointment grow in strength and scope in our lives, we will get the same suggestion from the devil one that Job received from his wife.
In today’s world we see how this tactic from the devil is gaining more and more ground among people. A distorted image of God has spread among men. Partly because of the misleading presentation different religions put forward. Disappointment with religion and churches, and not least with Christians, has been an effective weapon in the devil’s attempt to defile God’s person. Getting the world disappointed in God is central to the devil’s strategy in our day as well. The goal is to make the disappointment so strong and comprehensive that it creates a platform for the devil’s alternative – namely the Antichrist.
He who is the enemy of God is to the highest degree also the enemy of man. By making us disappointed in God, the devil wants to take us to a point where we also experience God as our enemy. However, it is still true that God is for us and not against us, even when it hurts and the intellect is not enough to understand everything that is going on.
In a discussion about the Estonian catastrophe, a priest was asked if what happened was God’s will and if it came from His hand? He replied as follows: “Everything that happens does not come from God’s hand but everything that happens God wants to take into his hand!”
The devil wants to turn it around. Ideally, he wants people to believe that all misery comes from God, and thereby get us disappointed in God. Behind that lie he hides himself with his terrible deeds and destructive plans against man and humanity.

CHAPTER 10 – THE WAY OUT OF DISAPPOINTMENT

Man’s two basic problems are rejection and disappointment. The first is something we inherit as a consequence of the Fall. Separated from God, we seek confirmation in different ways, mostly through different achievements. Man was rejected by God because of the Fall. Only God can restore to her the life she lost, and the deep and real confirmation that man strives for. Jesus died on the cross to pay the price for sin and break its power.
”My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”, Matthew 27:46. In these words of Jesus on the cross, one can hear Cain’s bitter lament after God had to drive him out of his presence because of his terrible crimes, Genesis 4: 13-14. Cain’s cry is the cry of all mankind because of the separation from his Creator and the one true Father. What Jesus has done is that He has healed us completely. All a person needs to do is believe in this and accept God’s offer of an established communion with Him.
In disappointment, however, we have our share. We are not born with disappointment, but we are disappointed. We are not born with disappointment, even if we are born with a nature that is weak and unable to avoid this experience during the course of life. But we can do something about the disappointment in our lives. We can be free from disappointment and, with God’s help, learn to close the door of our soul to its destructive consequences. We can learn to handle the attacks of disappointment when we know how it works and how it attacks us.
BREAK THE POWER OF DISAPPOINTMENT
I think there are two phases in our fight against disappointment. The first is to break the grip of disappointment on thoughts and feelings. The second phase is to be healed in our emotional life and to then handle the disappointment in a completely different way, so that we are no longer defeated by it.
When we understand that we are disappointed, it is up to us to stay in it or become free. By this simple statement I do not mean that it is always easy to be free. This is where our will plays a big role. We can choose to leave the disappointments and move on in life.
The real question is: Do we want to be able to live on after the disappointment or do we want to continue in it and just sink deeper and deeper. To choose the right to be disappointed is to choose one’s own doom. To live in disappointment is to welcome a kind of spiritual torture into one’s life.
No one suffers more and feels worse than the disappointed one.
THE BIBLICAL WAY
Today you can get advice for your problems from many sources. Everyone claims that their solutions are the best. There is probably something, in everything you hear and read, that can be helpful to man. But when it comes to the problems of the soul, the Creator has good advice to give to man. The Bible, God’s word, and God’s love letter to mankind, contain the right medicine for one of the soul’s worst diseases — disappointment.
BE HONEST
We must honestly and sincerely understand the root of our disappointment. Is it really only others who are to blame, or is part of the cause of disappointment with myself? In Psalm 139: 23-24, King David prays an honest and much-needed prayer: “Examine me, O God, and know my heart, try me, and know my thoughts. See if I’m on the path of misfortune and lead me on the eternal path. ” In my heart there must be an openness so that I myself can be a part of the cause of my disappointment. To have your eyes opened and see the whole situation, honesty and humility are required. Pride is one of the most common reasons why we do not see life in an objective and real way. King Da-vid confesses something that is important to us, when we seek the cause of our disappointment. In Psalm 19:13, David makes a very honest confession: “Who can see how often he errs? Forgive me my secret flaws ”
It is a very honest and humble confession. That attitude is necessary to be able to understand one’s disappointment and the reason for the disappointment. The feelings are often so strong that the mind is blocked. It is not easy to think clearly and objectively when you are hurt. Then there is the question of what self-knowledge we have.
David goes on in his prayer and expresses another thing that must exist in our lives. In Psalm 51: 8, David mentions his own conclusion about what God is really looking for in our lives: “You will have the truth in my heart, and teach me wisdom in the depths of my heart.” Is not this one of our most important prayers? Lord, help me to be true. Wanting to be enlightened does not only concern our own will. We need to ask God to give us an honest longing for that be those who dare to see the truth in the white eye, even when it comes to our own behaviour.
A few years ago, I saw in my imagination a picture of myself, which scared me. I realized that I, as a human being, could solidify my perceptions so deeply that it could cause problems in my relationships with other people. We can grow so strong in our beliefs that we become dogmatic and have difficulty maintaining good relationships to others. “Try me God, and do not let me believe that the problem always lies with others and never with me.”
SORRY
Forgiveness is the Bible’s strongest message. Because of what Jesus did on Calvary’s cross, God has forgiven us. He has given us the power to forgive others even what is humanly impossible for us.
Forgiveness is the hardest way, but it is also the most effective way. Often it is the only way. It is no exaggeration to say that unless there is forgiveness in our attitude towards others and towards ourselves, we will not get far in life. We live in a world where honesty and justice are not the most important thing when it comes to relationships. Unfortunately, conditions in the congregations are not always better than in society in general. Jesus told Peter that he would be willing to forgive 7 x 70 times each day. It is humanly impossible, but with God’s help it is possible.
In 2 Corinthians 2: 5–11, the apostle Paul writes to the church in Corinth that they will forgive the person who has sinned and asked for forgiveness. If they did not, there was a risk that the reluctance to forgive that person would ruin her life. In addition, Paul says that it was precisely this devil would with such a situation. If God forgives, people do not have the right to forgiveness. Through unforgiveness, we make room for the devil and his purpose in the situation.
Being willing to forgive others and be reconciled has a lot to do with our understanding of two things. One is what Jesus has done on the cross for us and the other is why He has done this. Out of love for us, He sacrificed Himself and delivered us from the captivity of sin. The reason for this is that no human being can be freed from this type of captivity through his own efforts and attempts. In other words, this shows that we are all in the same boat. For we are all equal both in our helplessness and in our worth in the eyes of God.
At one point, this became very clear to me. In conflicts between me and my wife, I tend to be the one who is most long-angry. In one situation, when I was trying to explain to my beloved wife that her responsibility in the conflict was still greater than mine, she responded to my accusation with the following comment: “Love,” she said, and this made me even more upset, because I suddenly felt that I was at a disadvantage because of her loving attitude, “you tend to be honest in your pre-ditches and say, that even though you often feel like ‘junk’ before God, you think God loves you and forgive you. Now you have told me that I am also “rubbish”. If you are, and I am, what prevents us from being reconciled? ”
I usually support my arguments with Bible quotes – now I became speechless. Suddenly I saw that the problem was not in the magnitude of her deed, but in my perception that I was better-re than she!
Forgiveness is facilitated by the awareness that Jesus’ death on the cross is an explanation of God’s love and equal value to every person in this world.
An interesting aspect of forgiveness is described in Psalm 130: 4, where it says that God’s forgiveness creates respect for Him: He who does not forgive does not gain the respect of others. To forgive is to show what God is like. To forgive is to highlight God’s ability for every human being to continue in life.
Jesus tells a drastic parable to paint the danger with an unforgiving attitude. In Matthew 18: 21-35 he tells of a man who owed a huge sum of money. He was unable to pay this and asked for the opportunity to defer repayment. His lender knew this was not possible for him but took pity on him and forgave the whole great debt. The debt-free man went from there and met someone who owed him a sum, which in comparison with his debt was insignificant. Despite this, he had no understanding for that person and did not even want to give the culprit a chance. Hard and relentless as he was, he forgot how much the other had forgiven him. This ended with his lender withdrawing the promise to write off the debt. The story ends with him being handed over to the tormentor.
There is an important truth in this story that is difficult for us to understand sometimes. It is that unforgiveness hurts the most who does not want to forgive someone else! The emotional state that a person ends up in due to not being willing to forgive is painful. The pondering continues and the emotions are getting harder and harder. We sometimes think that our hurt feelings are proof that we have not forgiven. To forgive is not primarily to be completely free from one’s difficult feelings. This means releasing another from the debt burden. So I will not hold anyone else accountable for the condition I am in. If I am disappointed in God, then I must forgive Him, not because He is guilty, or needs our forgiveness, but for us to be free from our accusations against Him. Sorry l-sen resists all enemy weapons. It is our strongest weapon against all enemy attacks. He who can forgive from the heart is always victorious. Jesus forgave those who crucified Him with the words, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” The Bible says in James 2:13, “the judgment shall be upon him that hath no mercy on him that hath not shewed mercy. But mercy triumphs over judgment. ”
Give it a try for a fresh start
We sometimes find it difficult to leave it alone with its failures, but this is important. The reason it is difficult is that it hurts our pride. We want to learn everything in life without having to do it through our own mistakes. This setting is unrealistic.
Disappointment can be paralyzing, but a healthy soul moves on in life. When God frees us from disappointment, we experience that He gives us grace to move on. Even if we suffer the consequences of our mistakes, it does not mean that God has not forgiven us. With God there is always another chance, when we approach Him in humility and honesty. The Lord is willing and able to raise us up. Through disappointment, the enemy wants to paint the future meaningless and in this way deprive us of the courage to continue. It is easy to go and dwell on all our own mistakes and what others have done to us. It nourishes the ego, but it gives no encouragement to continue.
In His Word, God encourages us not to get caught up in the past but to move on: “Do not think about what has happened, do not worry about what has happened before. Behold, I do something new, ”Isaiah 43: 18–1. The meaning of the text is really the following: do not try to calculate how much positive or negative is in your forehead. It is not that the negative burden must be small for God to be able to take us further. No, it’s about leaving one’s forehead and believing that with God there is a continuation without burden of the forehead. God is powerful to forgive and establish and give us a new life, even if it looks hopeless.
We constantly need to dare to give broken relationships a new chance. We need to dare to give God another chance, He who never gives up on us.
The prophet Jeremiah witnessed an experience that God arranged to describe his willingness to start over in our lives. It was when the situation with the people of Israel looked almost hopeless, and the prophet began to lose faith that his own people could get better, as God said to Jeremiah: go to the potter’s house and watch him work. The potter failed with a vessel, but did not throw away the clay, but started again with the same material. Then God spoke to Jeremiah: “Could not I, you of the house of Israel, do to you as this potter does? says the Lord. Behold, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you, O house of Israel, in my hand ”, Jeremiah 18: 6. No man is of bad material for God. God never throws us away. He is willing to start over and over again with our lives. Only the devil does not want it. Therefore, the alternative he offered man to live after is also harmful to us. Valuation systems that the world lives by are under the influence of evil. It puts pressure on us to perform to make ends meet. This often leads to disappointment.
With God there is an opportunity to start over, to move on. He gives us another chance. Even though we think that all of life is like a single lump of clay, God still wants to start over and fulfill His purposes with us and our lives.
Be realistic
Being realistic is a protection against continued disappointment. False and unrealistic expectations cause us disappointment. Experiences related to disappointment in others, in ourselves and also in God, should have taught us something. Man is imperfect and therefore incapable of doing everything right. We must stop making unrealistic demands on others, on ourselves and on God. Turning our expectation away from the human, imperfect, is important, and can be a protection against disappointment. This does not mean that we no longer trust anyone and become skeptical of our fellow human beings, but our expectations of people become realistic.
God’s word warns us to place high trust in life and high expectations of man. In Jeremiah 17: 5–7, we find serious words about being tempted to put our faith and trust in man and make it the basis of our lives. Jeremiah compares such a choice to cursing our lives. On the contrary, he mentions trust in God as a life-giving choice with blessing over our lives.
These words express the enormous difference between trusting in human power and in God. God is able to do far more than anything we ask or think, Ephesians 3:20. This does not mean that all our prayers and desires are entitled to be answered. Nothing is impossible for God, but we should not tempt Him with things and expectations that are not in His interest in our lives, or our own good. We do not have to constantly ask anything of Him. When it is not fulfilled, there can be a new disappointment in Him. Trust in His omniscience and goodness can set us free and bring us to rest. Even if things do not happen as we have expected, we can trust God when we know Him as our Father. Sometimes people take frivolous steps to test whether God is truly trustworthy, and when God does not act in accordance with their unrealistic desires, they draw the wrong conclusions.
The Bible gives advice on what to think about ourselves and others, so as not to be disappointed. Romans 12: 3 says, “For by the grace which I have received I say unto every one of you, Let not your thoughts be on you any more, than what ye have, but think according to the measure of faith which God hath given. each.” Getting to know yourself and accepting your limitations is protective against unrealistic expectations of yourself, and thus disappointment. If we have these attitudes, I think we can both be protected and not be too disappointed.

Chapter 11 – To be healed from disappointment

God’s desire is to heal us from both rejection and disappointment. The purpose of the gospel is not only to give us God’s salvation and take us to heaven, but also to establish ourselves as much as possible already during this life, so that we get closer to the whole that man lived in before the fall. Restoration is a process that for most people involves stress and doubt, but God wants to carry it out.
Disappointment is one of the most effective weapons against God’s purpose in our lives. Therefore, God wants to give us the power to break the power of disappointment and its grip on our lives. He wants to heal us so that we can live our lives without disappointment constantly dragging us down and disrupting God’s plan and actions with our lives.
In Isaiah 57:16, God speaks to His people that He is not a God who is constantly angry with us and angry with us for every little failure. He himself says why: “… for then their spirit would weaken before me, the souls that I myself have created.” Another translation says, loosely translated: otherwise the plans I have with man would be disturbed, nullified! If God would let His disappointment on us rule Him, then there would be no man who has succeeded in what God has planned for her.
The meeting between the betrayed and those who betrayed
Jesus was the man who had the greatest reason and the most right to be disappointed. He was let down by his loved ones. It may seem as if Jesus experienced that even His Heavenly Father betrayed Him at His last moment. But that was not the case. He expressed the pain of all mankind of being separated from God. He took on our rejection to give us the opportunity to be reconciled and united with God through Him, and to be free from rejection.
He had a circle of disciples with whom He associated daily. He shared their lives and gave his life for them. He loved them with complete love and did only good to them and to all other people. Jesus never did anything wrong to anyone. Only good. Yet He was mocked and eventually crucified. His loved ones abandoned Him. Some even denied knowing Him.
If anyone had reason and the right to disappoint, it was Him.
After his victory over death, it was time to meet the disciples. One of them did not cope with his betrayal, but took his own life. The others would now face Him, as they betrayed, face to face. They themselves were so disappointed that they left everything that had to do with Jesus. The dream broke. Only rubble remained after three years which now looked like a total misinvestment. They had left their jobs and invested in something that became pure ashes. But what made their situation still different was that they were dealing with someone who does not disappoint and does not give up his work with people. Not even when it comes to what we would call hopeless. Their disappointment had to do with Jesus. They had betrayed Him and were disappointed in themselves.
Even before Jesus would meet them all, He sent a greeting to Peter to let him know that not everything had run to the bottom, Mark 16: 7.
He wants to let us know as soon as possible that He has not given up on us. He is lovingly eager to convey that the disappointment is not over. There is a future and a life even after the most difficult crashes we can experience.
The text we will look at shows the divine path to complete healing and victory over disappointment. The way Jesus handled disappointment can be our way. Then His victory over disappointment can also be our victory.
John 21: 1–19 tells of the encounter that turned their hopeless situation into a life experience. This gave them the strength to keep going. Their shortcomings reminded them that they could not do God’s will on their own. Instead, they experienced that God’s grace and mercy are new every morning. That the power of God is the one we can trust in all situations of life.
The previous text shows the best way to mental health care. It is also a masterful teaching of how we can be healed from our disappointments. This is the path taken by our Savior and Lord Jesus Christ. In His footsteps we need to follow even if that path is very different from the path we humans could think of. God has also said that His thoughts and our thoughts are different, and that His thoughts and paths are higher than ours,Isaiah 55: 8–9.
The disappointment is contagious
In John 21: 1-3 we read about how it happened and what happened in this meeting. The disciples are together and the atmosphere is gloomy. They do not really understand what has happened and what is going on. Everything feels like a big mistake, like a nightmare. Peter is still the one who takes the initiative, due to his impulsive personality. He is clear about his path, he returns to the old. Fishing is something he can do. He does not want to take on any new challenges, as there is a lack of faith and energy for this.
What is in the luggage is a lot of defeats from the last three years. He had big dreams and a high confession. Now he states that he has failed. His disappointment is so strong that he chooses to leave everything that has challenged him lately. The others follow him and have the same feelings of disappointment as he does.
The disappointment is contagious. It needs to be transferred to fl era. What the disappointed person carries within them is heavy and forces him to talk about it and seek sympathy. A disappointed person seeks not only sympathy but also confirmation that the disappointment is justified.
Disappointed people rarely go alone, but drag others with them. Wherever they go, they carry the virus of disappointment. If they come to a new job or to a new church, without having gone through a healing process, they attract people with the same experience, and infect those they begin to associate with.
In very many cases, it is with disappointment as the driving force that we do things. What is done under the influence of disappointment gives bitter taste. Therefore, we must be sure that it is not disappointment that drives us in what we do.
There are thousands of Christians today who are deeply disappointed in all that church life is called. Regardless of what has happened, we are today in great need of healing in this area. Before we can attract people into the world, we must be deeply reconciled and undergo healing from our disappointments toward one another.
The traitor takes the initiative
The text takes us further and in John 21: 4-6 we read that Jesus is standing on the beach where the disciples will land with their boats after being out at sea and fishing all night. The way Jesus addresses them is interesting: “My children, do you have anything to eat?” They replied, “No.” He said: “Throw the net on the right side of the boat, and you will get …” The tone is soft and caring. It does not sound like a disappointed person who meets those who have hurt and let him down. They threw out the net, and now they could no longer pull it up for all the light.
It is important to see that it was Jesus who took the initiative in the process that led to both Himself and the disciples escaping disappointment. He could simply have left the initiative to those who had betrayed Him. It was their responsibility to rectify this, we would say, and humanly speaking it was so. We usually think like this when we are disappointed: “If they want it to get better, they can get in touch and do something.
Nothing that happened here, in the meeting between Jesus and the disciples, was a coincidence. Everything was part of a careful and well-thought-out planning on Jesus’ part. He chose the divine path to solution in a situation that could have ended completely differently if He had allowed disappointment to take over.
When He stands there on the beach, they do not recognize Him. There is a human explanation. They had not seen Him so many times after the resurrection. However, this is also reminiscent of the ability of disappointment to change relationships. Best friends become strangers. You pretend not to see each other. You experience discomfort, fear and reluctance to see the one who has hurt and let down, or the one I have let down. Our behaviors will be different. It is childish and immature of Christian siblings to behave this way towards one another, after conflicts and disappointments. Especially considering our high confession of God’s love and forgiveness.
People who have left their congregations have received cold glances or no glances at all, at the meeting with siblings, from their old context. Could it be that after a few days or months, they have already forgotten what we looked like? These attitudes are a serious denial of the gospel message of atonement. Our hurt feelings blind us.
I have sat in prayer meetings where we cried for revival. At the same time, we were some who did not even greet each other. How can we behave like that at all? Do we believe that God does not care about such attitudes? There must be a fundamental change in our attitudes towards each other, before we see any revival coming to us. We must not forget that most of those we think have let us down are still our siblings. Our taste and theology are not ultimately decisive for siblings.
Jesus knew his disciples and knew what they were like. They betrayed Him after three years of intimate fellowship, but He still wanted to meet them. It was not to scold them. He had other motives. He wanted to break the process of disappointment, which could lead to the entire plan of God with these people being nullified.
It is this attitude that must have a greater place in and among us, if we are to manifest the kingdom of God. We must help one another walk in the spirit that Jesus did and was a testimony of a God who loves man and wants to accomplish his purpose with each of us.
The power of the right initiative
When we take the initiative for reconciliation, space is created for God’s resources to assist us. And with God, anything is possible.
A few years ago, my wife and I discovered that our relationship with a couple who were our friends had deteriorated to such an extent that they no longer even visited us. In this case, we did not even understand why. There were no concrete conflicts and we were saddened and disappointed. We also understood that this was not pleasing in the eyes of God. Humanly speaking, we just wanted to ignore everything and ignore the problem.
We began to pray for the situation and told the Lord that we were willing to do more than we had done, and what we considered sufficient, for His will to be done and the situation to change. We invited these friends home. It was a step in the right direction, even though we did not talk about the problems in our relationship. But the indifferent attitude that was so clear between us changed.
We prayed further and there were times when we could talk about our disappointments with each other. We took up everything and honestly confessed our loveless attitude towards each other and asked each other for forgiveness. Today we are friends who have shared life in a very deep way and are helping and blessing each other. At a meeting in the church, as we stood next to each other, I turned to my brother and friend. I was happy and overwhelmed by God’s love and what was happening between us. We hugged with joy and tears of gratitude in our eyes. We tillbaka ck back each other from a situation that looked like another friendship tragedy. God works wonders if we want to give His way a chance. There are divine ways to walk that we must dare to try much more than we have done so far.
Continued interest in the well-being of others
Jesus asked the disciples if they had any. It sounded almost a bit provocative. We could do that if we met someone we consider to be the cause of our wounds and disappointments. Somewhere within us we want to hear a no. It is easy to feel the joy of injury, when we hear that things are not going so well for the one who has hurt us, the one we are disappointed with.
But, Jesus is different. He shows genuine interest in the situation of the disciples. He is not provocative with his question and has no ulterior motives with it. He walks at a higher level than we do.
When they replied that they had not received anything, Jesus spoke of how they would do to receive fi sk. They did so and fi ck a record catch. He could have said: “That’s how it is for you now, when you have let me down.” People have heard this when they have left certain contexts. “Now you go out of God’s protection when you leave us, and God’s blessing will depart from you.”
Some people have even heard inappropriately harsh words from leaders in congregations they have left. All this has been done to siblings. How can you do this and still be convinced that you are doing something that pleases God? How can one act so lovelessly toward another who has the same Spirit, and is loved by the same Father?
It must be the case that the feelings of disappointment are such in nature that one becomes blinded and does not understand the forces behind the disappointment, once it has taken hold of us.
Jesus did not act like that. He saw through the devil’s strategy and overcame the temptation to be disappointed, by giving blessing and advice for success, precisely to those who betrayed Him. In that way, the disciples were the big catch. It will be the same with us at this time as well. The great harvest, we talk about and believe in, can come if we choose to go the same way. It is this counsel that the word of God gives us in Romans 12:21, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
I have often heard religious phrases when siblings are separated in conflicts and disappointments: “We bless them and we go, or they may go.” That we pronounce blessing with the mouth without meaning to, God is not behind it. Blessing those I am disappointed in word and deed is a higher way. It is given by God, and brings with it great victory over disappointment.
It is easy to reject those we are disappointed with. To forgive and then no longer have anything to do with them is easily done. But there is another option, which we often leave untried. That is what Jesus is pointing out in this text. He continued to do good to those who betrayed Him. This is a strong challenge for us, to overcome evil with good.
This challenge is a powerful blessing for our world. The evil that is in disappointment can be overcome with the power of the gospel. This has always been a central part of the gospel. We have simply changed the gospel and adapted it to our weak human nature. We come up with many excuses under religious guise to avoid the above mentioned path. But we can not avoid it. That is the only way if we want to be disciples of Jesus. How can we believe that we can ‘bless those who curse us, and pray for those who persecute us’, if we can not even love one another in the family of God.
We completely lack the power for this in ourselves. It is not the intention that the Christian life should be lived by its own power. Then the Lord Jesus would not have had to die for our salvation, nor would we have needed the Helper, the Holy Spirit. It is not a question of possible and impossible, but whether we are willing to bow to what God’s word says and humble ourselves before God and one another.
We are often afraid to try to win over evil with good, because we think it will be interpreted as acknowledging that we are wrong. Doing good to those who have treated us unfairly can seem like a weakness, we sometimes think. But in God’s eyes, it’s right.
It is so with God’s goodness towards us sometimes – it is not a confirmation that we are doing right, but an expression of God’s grace and love for us. This is also what Romans 2: 4 says: “Do you not understand that his goodness wants to bring you to repentance?”
I remember a situation where I felt very unsuccessful as a Christian. Just then a letter came from a person who sent us a gift. The size of the gift made me overwhelmed. I was very touched and asked God within me why He gives me this now when I do not deserve it? A quiet but clearly convincing answer was within me: “It is not for your goodness that you get this, but because I am good!” This is really the core of the gospel! God’s goodness towards us is not a merit on our part, but an expression of love on His part.
Signs of recognition
When they cast their nets in accordance with Jesus’ counsel, they became more so than ever before. But something more happened, something that was perhaps more important than fi so-called just then. John 21: 7 says that John then said to Peter, “It is the Lord.” In that act, John recognized the Lord.
Once again – “on the fruit you recognize the tree.” There are things people expect from people who say they stand for something or believe in something. If someone says that he / she is a baker, then others expect this person to be able to produce bread and other things related to this profession. If you are a Christian, others who know what Christianity stands for expect the person to show fruit that is associated with biblical Christianity. The person is recognized by his way of being.
I heard about an event that touched me deeply. There were three businessmen who were in a hurry to fly. On the way to the airport, they hurriedly knocked over a table with apples, which a woman was selling. Two of them apologized and continued to run to catch up with the flight. The third said he was coming with the next flight and stopped to help the woman collect all the apples that flew away from the table. He apologized so much for what they did, and crawled on the floor to collect apples with her. Many apples were destroyed, so he replaced her. Then he noticed that the woman was blind. With another apology for everything that happened, he would now leave. Then the woman turned to him and asked, “Lord, are you Jesus?”
In the act, she recognized Him, who is loving and one who does good to all people. There are signs of recognition on people who say they are something, or have a belief in someone or something. Faith manifests itself in works. Others know what fruit they should produce.
That is why, when we love one another and show love and kindness, God becomes real and recognized! For He who is love lets his sun shine over both the good and the bad, says the Bible.
The reactions
The whole situation with Jesus and the disciples began to develop into a dynamic that was not entirely easy for disciples to face. When Peter heard that it was Jesus ”… he put on the outer garment, for he was lightly clothed, and threw himself into the lake. The other disciples followed in the boat. They were not far from land, ”John 21: 7b-8.
Peter’s reaction was very strong. The realization of who it was touched his innermost being. That he throws himself into the water can be interpreted as a mixture of shame and fear, but also as that hope was born, somewhere deep in him. He still knew what the Lord was like. In the depths of his soul there was a flame of faith that burned and that Jesus did not want to extinguish. Isaiah 42: 3 says, “A broken straw shall he not break, and a faint weight shall he not quench.”
After all he had been through, Peter realized that he could not follow Jesus on his own. He also understood in this moment that what was going on was more than he dared to hope for after everything he had done to Jesus. It looked like Jesus was giving him another chance to start over. With all the emotions within him, Peter began to swim in the direction where He who offered this stood with outstretched arms to receive him. Just like the father did to his son who came home again. It is this response God wants us to give to His loving initiative and offering.
Disappointment wants to extinguish the spark for God and life within us. That was exactly what was happening to Peter. When the winds of disappointment begin to take hurricane strength in our emotional lives, human wind protection does not help much.
Jesus is the only truly effective windbreak against disappointment when it has reached the destructive strength. He is the core and content of the gospel, the best example of how to respond to disappointment. It is His love and faithfulness to us that breaks and nullifies the devil’s purposes with the disappointment in our lives. In moments when one feels the worst of all people, the works of God’s love are the strongest weapon in our fight against disappointment. It is God’s way to show that it is in grace and mercy that He relates to us, when we feel disappointed. He wants to draw us back to Himself through His goodness.
Our response to His grace and mercy is crucial in our walk with Him. These attitudes of God toward us are not always easy for us to deny. Therefore, they are difficult to apply when we ask ourselves in situations where we have to believe in them in a practical way. “Grace is that we get what we do not deserve. Mercy is that we do not get what we deserve “, someone has said.
When we relate to each other based on these two attributes of God, we are walking on a path where the end can not so easily reach us with disappointment.
It is often confusing for us when we are treated with love and generosity from those we have done something wrong to. The same reaction will be for those who have betrayed us, when we act against them in love, mercy and compassion. Sometimes we reject the generosity shown to us in such situations, because our pride prevents us from receiving something that we have not earned.
It is in human nature to try to earn one’s own righteousness. It appeals to human pride. That is why religions are inviting to many people. They appeal to their own ability to perform and the feeling of being able to be rewarded for their own deeds. The gospel, on the other hand, is an offer to receive something we do not deserve. Salvation and God’s goodness are gifts of God’s grace and love for man. This is one of the reasons why people find it difficult to accept the gospel. Strange as it may sound, people often want to earn something from God. They want to be able to come and say that they deserve His love, praise, and confirmation. But, grace can not be earned, but only received as a gift.
Thoughtful and prepared
The story goes on. The situation develops into something that in a way becomes both confusing and overwhelming for the disciples, and especially for Peter.
John 21: 9–11 states: “When they came ashore, they saw a heap of embers and ashes lying on it and bread. Jesus saith unto them, Bring of the light which ye have received. Simon Petrus got in the boat and pulled in the net. It was full of large, one hundred and fifty-three pieces. And even though there were so many, the net did not break ”. The more I read this text, the more touched I become in my heart, by God’s loving endurance toward us. He never gives up on us. There are no hopeless cases for Him. Jesus followed the disciples as they all turned away from Him. He followed them in their disappointment and figured out what He would do to save them from the trap the devil had set for them.
He planned all this, step by step. He had the goal in mind and that gave Him motivation. He made a meal for them. Every detail was inspired by love for them, and motivated by an awareness of what would have happened if He had not gone this way. He received the disciples from the Father and would keep them as long as He was with them.
It was not a spontaneous emotional kick Han fi ck, which after a few days could be exchanged for the feeling of disappointment again. It was a well-planned, well-thought-out and detailed strategy, on how to eliminate disappointment. This is great and makes you feel overwhelmed by God’s love and forgiveness, by God’s patience and meekness, and by God’s enormous determination to lead us to the goal. When we do this to each other, we break the devil’s cunning plans.
Once when I was working in a congregation, we went on a short vacation after a large conference we had. We left our car to an employee. While we were away, he drove around with our car to various people in the congregation and tried to persuade them to get rid of us.
When we got home I heard this, and it came as a big surprise to me. The Lord reminded me of this text and told me to invite him to dinner at a restaurant. I did. As we sat there, he began to record what had happened. By myself, I could not have handled this situation the way I did.
When he came up with all his arguments, about how he did not always think along the same lines as me, and did not agree with everything we did, I asked him: “Can you say here and now what you said to others and in that way you told them that? ” Then he burst into tears and could not say anything. Instead of the vann end winning, we affirmed what God gave us, grace and power to be reconciled and move forward together. The whole situation could have taken a completely different direction, if we had proceeded in a humane way. A meal of love and humility can change a lot.
This is what Paul urged the church at Corinth to do to the brother who sinned badly, but whom God forgave and was about to establish. The church was tempted to be more righteous than God. They wanted to keep the culprit during the judgment longer than God himself. That is why Paul writes in 2 Corinthians 2: 7-8, 11: “Now you should forgive and comfort him so that he does not perish in his deep sorrow. Therefore, I urge you to treat him with love … so that we will not be outwitted by Satan. We know his intentions. “
The devil’s intention was and is to isolate us from each other through disappointment and “slaughter and destroy” the fellowship that God has called us to. Through this he can hinder God’s plan with us, as individuals and as God’s people. So far, he has succeeded with his strategy to a painful degree. But there is a victory in this area as well. The whole strategy for victory can be found here in the text. Jesus has given us a divine recipe, which frees from disappointment.
The offer of God’s love
When they all came to the beach, a surprise awaited. Jesus was standing there. Already this was an unexpected thing. In John 21:12, the drama continues to increase, in their encounter: “Jesus saith unto them, Come and eat. None of the disciples dared ask him who he was. They understood that it was the Lord. Jesus went out and took the bread and gave it to them, and the fish also. ”
But this meal then? Would He not scold them, or rebuke them in any case? That was probably what they deserved, everyone had let Him down. And they betray in the most difficult moments of His life. Humanly speaking, such a scenario would have been much more justified. But God has other ways. “Come and eat,” He said to them. “Everything is prepared.” It is not now when He sees them that He is inspired to change His attitude, but everything was already prepared. The love for them drove Him, in every detail.
Yes, now they saw Him up close. They also saw the light on the embers. Such is beyond the human, only Jesus can do that. They recognized Him in His works of love.
Think of the many acts of love that God pours out on mankind daily. The sun shines on both evil and good. Sometimes we wonder why God does not intervene against evil. The devil has succeeded in tricking people into believing that God stands for evil. But it is through His goodness that He wants to bring us back to Himself. He does not want a single one to be lost.
This is what John 3:16 says: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” The whole Bible in one sentence!
“Come and eat” is an offer of continued fellowship, a confirmation to the disciples that Jesus still has confidence in them. He stands by his promise: “He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out”, John 6:37.
It should be our desire to have this attitude as a vital part of our relationships. It belongs to our spiritual development and maturity in life with God. It is a fruit of the gospel’s outpouring into our lives. When we treat one another as Jesus did with the disciples, then we will also be able to understand that the Lord is among us, and that the kingdom of God is a reality. People will also notice that this generosity is beyond the human and understand that it is the Lord who is our source to it, that God is.
To continue to serve
What John 21:13 describes, where it is said that “Jesus went forth and took the bread and gave them, and likewise the light …” is really another basic attitude in the gospel and the kingdom of God. It’s about the service. When God comes to mankind then He comes as a servant. Mark 10:45 states that “the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister unto others.”
Really an incredible thought. Would gods come to earth as servants? Gods, as we think, do not come as servants, but as lords and conquerors. But, Jesus Christ shows what the only true God is like. He loves His creation and even when it rejects Him, He comes and serves it with His love. Actually, this is not strange – if He is God, then He is like that! If He were different, then we might be disappointed in Him.
To grow in the knowledge of the Lord Jesus is to grow in the ministry. It is the highest form of relationship with other people. To be able to serve others because they are God’s creations and loved by God, and to be able to do it for their good, is to follow in Jesus’ footsteps here on earth.
The disciples had seen and experienced this before. It was something they remembered from the time when they had their wonderful moments with Jesus. Now He does the same, takes care of them and serves them. It was a clear signal and a message to them about His attitude towards them. They understood that the relationship was not broken and that the Lord wanted to move on with them.
The meeting was pastoral care for a disappointed group of people. For some, that was enough. Peter needed a personal experience, a clearer sign that the Lord had not rejected him. His mistakes and mistakes were many and drastic. He, who would have been better than the others, was the one who denied Jesus. Now the meeting with Jesus is here. This opportunity is used by the Lord to do a healing work in Peter, who needed this in a concrete and profound way.
To snatch away the roots of disappointment
Disappointment can reach deep into our souls. It is not always easy to see the way out and cooperate with the Holy Spirit, in the work that the Lord wants to do in the life of a disappointed person. Even if one walks the path of liberation, it may take some time before healing is completed. It is also often the case that disappointment can “flare up” again and get a grip on thoughts and feelings, if we are not on our guard. When we realize what disappointment is, a path to liberation opens. Willingness to follow Jesus’ path helps us to be free from disappointment.
As for the disciples, Jesus knew that there was someone who needed a little extra soul care to be able to move on in life after everything that had happened. It was Peter. It is again very interesting to see how Jesus goes about helping Peter. In the past, I have found the way Jesus treated Peter to be a bit provocative. But if you know who Jesus is, then you know that He never wants to tease us, but always has redress in mind.
Peter feels a deep disappointment after everything that has happened. Discouragement and hopelessness fill his mind and emotions. It was he who first gave up and dragged the others with him and went back to his old way of life.
Then suddenly something is going on again. Jesus is not dead. This is the third time He appears to them, but it seems to be the first time that it will be a meeting with time for fellowship. It must have been a tremendous thrill for Peter to meet the Lord again. He had betrayed Him, even denied Him in front of others. To look the Lord in the eye once again was both frightening and hopeful.
Jesus asks a question. An unexpected one. In John 21:15 there is this question: “When they had eaten, Jesus said to Simon Peter, ‘Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?’
Why such a question? Wouldn’t it be more logical to ask: “Simon, have you now really decided to follow me? Will you now sharpen up and start praying for an hour a day? Why did you say you did not know me? Can you now promise that you will no longer be ashamed of me in front of others? ”
Jesus could have asked many questions about what had happened. But He goes another way. A path we have a hard time understanding, but which is still the best. It is best because it is God’s way. Best for Peter, even for each of us.
All of these questions would have been justified, but they would not have helped Peter much. His self-confidence was so damaged that such questions would have made him even more insecure and humiliated. They would not heal, but sting in the wounds that were already in there.
But there was one question that Peter could actually answer positively. The Lord knew this very well, for He knew Peter far better than He did. He knew that Peter both loved Him and loved Him. That is why He asked the question that Peter could honestly affirm.
Sure, it’s wonderful that the Lord was like that to Peter, but He’s like that to us today as well. He knew that Peter was honest in his efforts to do the Lord’s will. He knew that Peter in his heart was actually willing to give his life for the Lord, which he also did a number of years later.
But the Lord knew more than that and more than Peter himself knew. Peter’s sincere desire to please God could not be realized by his own power. It was not enough just to have good self-confidence, which is emphasized a lot today and means that you trust yourself and your own abilities. These were not all shortcomings the Lord wanted to point out. These Peter was very well aware of at this time. Awareness of his shortcomings made him give up the idea that he died in the eyes of God.
The Lord was looking for Peter’s heart, not for His abilities first and foremost. Peter’s promises did not impress Jesus. It was Peter’s heart that the Lord saw, as a wonderful resource, a heart devoted to God. Therefore, Peter needed to experience a collapse in terms of his own thoughts and power. All the desire to perform and impress God and others needed to be scaled away. That the question was asked three times is the Lord’s way of telling Peter that no matter how many times he failed, each time is atoned for and forgiven, and the path does not end where we fall.
There is something more in the question that Jesus asks Peter. Something liberating. When Jesus asks if Peter loves Him more than these, the question may be about two different things. One aspect is other disciples, whom Peter always compared himself to and wanted to be better than. It is as if Jesus wanted to tell him that he does not have to look for his value in comparison with others. The second could have been that the question concerned caught fish. Did Peter love what Jesus blessed him with more than Jesus himself? Did Peter love Jesus because of this blessing? The question examined Peter’s heart.
The final intervention in healing
Each time Peter answers positively to the Lord’s questions, Jesus affirms this without questioning the authenticity of the answers. Of course, as we often do, He could wonder if the answer was really genuine. We might have reacted and said, “Yes, but why did you do that to me? It’s not just words, you have to show it in practice as well. ”
Love is not always perfect in its expressions, but it is in its intentions. It does not always make everything perfect on the outside, but it is pure in its motives.
The total recovery from disappointment also means a renewal of trust in each other. This may be the missing step in many cases. We forgive each other and say that you forget all the old, but it still feels that the relationship in the future lacks something. We experience that there is a certain caution and that the contact is not so deep and tight. The community is also not as deep and cordial as before. We want to somehow protect ourselves from yet another disappointment. Nor will it be the case that we entrust ourselves to each other as before and the trust does not become as spontaneous and deep and obvious.
Jesus took a step that actually assured Peter that he was not just forgiven. Jesus was certainly not disappointed in him either. The only thing Jesus was looking for in Peter was the sincerity of his heart.
We have a hard time moving forward with this. We do not consider the person to be worthy of our trust anymore, and therefore the healing is not completed either. We leave broken relationships behind and move on in the hope that things will get better next time. But unfortunately, this usually leads to another disappointment.
When Peter confirms his love and friendship with Jesus, Jesus also confirms the calling and task He has previously given to Peter. In this way, He renews his trust in Peter as a person, fellow human being and co-worker. To say that there is no disappointment anymore, but not to be willing to show confidence, is to go only halfway through what the Lord Himself wants. His purpose is to raise us up and bring us back to the task He has given us, and to complete it through us.
God’s gifts and calling are irrevocable
Jesus said to Peter, “Feed my lambs. Be a shepherd for my sheep. For my sheep are grazing. ” These words brought Peter to the level he was before he fell and betrayed Jesus and became disappointed in himself. These words gave him a new belief in his own future. These words healed Peter’s spiritual knees so that he could continue to walk with God and move on in life. Everything was forgiven and set up, even if it did not mean that Peter was now perfect in his way of acting. It soon became apparent after this conversation that he was not yet completely free from the need to be first, and that he still felt some competition from John. But to this problem the Lord responds with a simple offer to him: “Follow me”, John 21:22.
Metadata